Old Enough to Know Better, Too Young to Care

Me, My TV and the Month of November

2011-11-01T10:40:00.001-04:00

The Documentary Channel is free for the entire month of November! I'm watching a documentary right now!

I won't be hurt if you don't share my enthusiasm--I understand that I watch TV in a way that is entirely different from the vast majority of the TV viewing public. I have never watched an entire episode of Survivor, American Idol, Two-and-a-half Men, Jersey Shore, Dancing with the (so-called) Stars, Big Bang Theory or anything that resembles "The Real (blank) of (blank)". I know! It's like I live under a rock or something!

The truth is, I need to feel engaged with what I'm watching. And by "engaged" I mean "educated", "stimulated", and "not entirely disgusted with humanity". Generally speaking, the only way I can achieve that is through documentaries.

Does this make me a TV snob? Maybe. I don't care--I refuse to consume a steady diet of trash TV, much the way I refuse to eat a steady diet of trash food. Does that mean I don't have my "guilty pleasures?" Of course I do! I am strangely addicted to Say "Yes" to the Dress, despite never ever wanting to wear a wedding dress; I try really hard not to miss an episode of Fashion Police (it's pretty much the only reason I know who half our current "celebrities" are); I'm addicted to House Hunters and pretty much anything related to interior design or real estate.

But the vast majority of what I watch is found on PBS, National Geographic Channel or CBC with the occasional Discovery Channel or History Channel thrown in. To have an entire month of unfettered access to the Documentary Channel? Let's just say I'll be spending a lot of quality time with my couch and TV for the next four weeks.

O Blogger, Where Art Thou?

2011-10-29T17:58:00.000-04:00

Hello? Is anybody there? If a blogger posts after an 8 month absence, does anybody hear?

I wouldn't blame you for abandoning me--I have been MIA for a very long time, but to paraphrase Mark Twain, the rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

I had to leave the blogosphere altogether. I not only stopped blogging, but I stopped reading other blogs--I needed to attend to my real-life relationships and let the on-line ones slide for a while. In returning, I have paired down my blogroll significantly in an effort to achieve a better balance between my online activity and my real-life activity. If I once followed you and now do not, please don't be offended--I might yet return one day and you're all bookmarked in my "Favourites" so I'm sure I'll still drop in from time to time.

My ongoing efforts to remain well-rounded have led me in some unexpected directions. I recently taught myself how to knit and I have completed 4 scarves and am exploring moving on to an easy sweater pattern, although I'm probably going to wait until the new year to tackle that challenge. I promised scarves to all my family members for Christmas so I'll be occupied with those right up to the 24th I imagine.

Even more unexpectedly, in the late summer I was asked by a former co-worker to be in a play she had written. As an actor. ON STAGE. Of course I said yes, probably because I was under the affluence of incohol at the time and figured I'd never hear from her again. Astonishingly I did hear from her several weeks later and now I'm knee-deep in rehearsals until the big day on December 4th.

So, If you're in the K-W area on December 4th and want to see a bizarre play called The Waiting Room that's kinda like Waiting for Godot but with more anger, then swing by the Chrysalids Theatre. I'll be the one knitting.

I Got Nothing

2011-02-19T08:47:00.000-05:00

I know I've been MIA lately, but I really haven't had anything to put out there. Don't worry--all is well, nothing to see here. Since I have nothing exciting going on, I'll attempt to win your attention by posting adorable pics of my puppy I took this morning:

Wook at dat cute widdle face! Aw, who's a cute poopy woopy? You are!

Gimme a break, you know you talk to your pet/baby this way too.

Dog vs Food

2011-01-29T14:06:00.000-05:00

I have no qualms about feeing Jacques "people food" since the dog food I do feed him is full of human-grade ingredients. But just like with humans, it's important for the food to be healthy. So today I decided to give him a chunk of broccoli stem. I don't eat this part of the plant anyway and I figured it would be the perfect toughness for him to chew while still being edible and not full of fats and crap. Turns out he loved it. Here's some photographic proof:

I kinda hoped this would keep him occupied for a while, but it only took him about 10 minutes to completely demolish it--not a speck remains. In fact he sniffed around for any he might have missed for another minute before giving up and coming to me for more! Maybe tomorrow, my friend.

Also in dog-related news, Jacques has now learned to go do "his business" outside. He's had far fewer accidents since learning to go outside and this has allowed me to let him move more-or-less freely within the apartment. He still isn't allowed in the bedroom or My Honey's office, but he's too busy chasing the cat around the kitchen and living room to notice. I still restrict him to the bathroom and hall when I'm not at home because there's just too much for him to get into when not supervised, but having him follow me around has been fun and we're bonding even more. I was worried he'd be chewing on everything in sight, but that hasn't been the case at all. He's being very well behaved and having enough naps that the cat isn't too put-out by having to share the space. Fingers crossed, we seem to be moving in the right direction.

Welcome to 2011 CRTC

2011-01-25T11:06:00.001-05:00

I love my country, but I'm always astonished at how good our citizens are at adopting and embracing new technologies while at the same time our governing bodies are absolutely terrible at it. Canadians rely on debit cards more than any other country; our internet usage per capita is among the highest anywhere. 42% of Canadians have a Facebook profile. But strangely our governing body for telecommunications, the CRTC, is on the verge of deciding that metered internet billing is a good idea.

Everyone knows the TV in it's traditional role as provider of programing over the airwaves/cablewaves is on the way out--the Internet is the way of the future. Despite this, the CRTC might allow Bell and Rogers (who conveniently have a HUGE stake in driving consumers back to traditional TV) to bill Internet users additionally for "overages" in their data consumption. This means when you go to the National Film Board and download free content from filmakers across Canada you will likely be paying extra on your Internet bill. How about Netflix? Streaming content on You Tube? Yep, they'll cost you extra too.

So what can be done about this? Probably not a whole lot, but I chose to sign an online petition to express my disappointment in the lack of foresight shown by the CRTC and perhaps you might want to as well. Follow this link to join the over 40 thousand others who have signed the petition.

Get a clue CRTC. Don't leave us in the dark-ages because Big Business can't figure out a way to make money in the new Internet reality without resorting to billing practices that have no place in 2011.

****UPDATE****

Sadly, this ended up being a case of too little, too late. The CRTC has decided to allow the major players to adopt metered billing, which means the small providers who buy bandwidth from Bell will have to stop offering unlimited downloading which will severely limit competition in Canada's already more-or-less monopolized Internet provider market. A small bone was thrown to the consumer in the way of a reduction in the cost of basic service, but it's little consolation.

One Year

2011-01-18T21:02:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe it's been an entire year.

It seems like only yesterday we coloured your hair pink, but in comparison it feels like it has been forever since I felt one of your hugs. So much has happened in the year since you died, so many times I wanted to call you and tell you about my day. It is an impulse that will always be there; you were always the first person I told about everything.

I still tell you, I just don't need a phone to do it.

I miss you, but you are always with me. I channel you more and more as each day goes by--when I laugh, it is your laughter I hear; when I chat up the person next to me in line at the grocery store, it is you who is being friendly to a stranger; when one of my customers flirts with me on the phone it is you they are flirting with.

There have been some dark days this past year--it's been a tough road for this family--but we have made it through. I know you would have been proud of me, of all of us. We've lost so much, but gained a stronger bond with each other. I know you'd want to be there to comfort us, but we find strength somehow just in the knowing.

Is it strange I still want to be a better person for you? A better daughter, sister, niece, partner, friend. I still strive to make you proud of me, even though you're no longer here to see my efforts. I want to be that person you always believed I could be.

It's a work in progress.

Maybe it always will be.

Sad Day

2011-01-13T21:06:00.002-05:00

I found out today that, 1) friends of mine had a miscarriage, 2) my brother's dog had a seizure and is in the doggie hospital and, 3) my friend Katie has pneumonia which is aggravated by her downstairs neighbour who won't stop smoking indoors which likely means Katie will have to move out of her new apartment (which would really suck because she just moved in and she loves that apartment.)

I'm done with today.

Jacques Gets a Taste for Parquet

2011-01-03T08:37:00.001-05:00

I came across my puppy the other morning in the throes of ecstasy. No, not that--he's still too young--something much more disturbing. And amusing. I particularly enjoy the snorting!

Happy New Year! And I Mean That

2011-01-01T09:34:00.000-05:00

Well hello 2011! My, you're looking swell. Did you do something with your hair? Lose some weight? Well whatever it is, it's really working for you. Perhaps it's just me--you see, I'm so happy to see the back of 2010 that you just look wonderful to me.

The last year has been pretty shitty, not just for me but for many close to me. We've suffered losses, faced challenges. But one thing that keeps me going is finding balance in all this: friends have drifted a way, but new ones have taken their place; loved ones have passed away, but friends have been blessed with a new life and I share in their joy. It's a timeless and endless cycle--just when we think we've taken all we can, new hope appears and sustains us.

This year has been surprisingly fruitful for me in some unexpected ways--I have seen success and growth in my job; my talent in photography has allowed me to share some treasured images with friends and family; my new companion, Jacques, has been a joy and a challenge but I wouldn't have it any other way; friendships and family ties have been deepened and strengthened. Most of all, I've grown up a lot--I have met the challenges of the last couple of years head-on and I made it through a better friend, sister, daughter and partner.

I want to thank all of you for the tremendous support you have provided me over the last year. Your words of encouragement and your unwavering belief in me have been the light in the darkness--I don't know if I could have done it without you. My New Year's resolution to you is to not let you down--your faith has not been misplaced. I've been battered and bruised but this is another year and another opportunity to make my own happiness.

"Often daunted, never defeated."
-- Vicky Gabereau, Canadian radio and television personality

Breakthrough

2010-12-14T19:45:00.001-05:00

I think we've finally made some head-way with house breaking Jacques. I've been giving him treats after he goes on his pad and this has coincided with a significant decrease in the number of accidents. This evening alone he's stopped playing out in the living room twice to go to the pad to poop--this is awesome because he's never done this before.

I was hesitant to use the treats as a training tool despite knowing that French bulldogs as a breed are typically motivated by food. Treats notoriously have lots of empty calories which can cause obesity in dogs, so I was thrilled to find some natural treats at my local Pet Valu that are simply freeze-dried cows liver and nothing more. And the dog loves them! So does the cat, for that matter. Also, Jacques isn't eating nearly as much as I expected he would so I figure a few nutritious treats won't kill him.

Having said all this, I really hope I haven't jinxed myself. I've been lulled into a false sense of security by this puppy before--remember the first 24 hours? I will remain cautiously optimistic until he can prove himself over the next several days.

In the meantime, please head over to my photoblog and vote for your favourite picture of Jacques. Sadly, I couldn't convince Jax to pose with him....

Trying to Get Into the Christmas Spirit

2010-12-09T06:49:00.000-05:00

I decided to not put up a Christmas tree this year. I've had a Christmas tree every single year since being on my own at age 19. I bought my first tree for $9.99 at Canadian Tire--it was 3 feet tall and that first Christmas I decorated it with a homemade popcorn garland (which was entirely too much work and I never did that again!) A couple of years ago, when we moved into our current apartment, I bought a larger tree since we had a bigger space that would make a larger tree fit better. It was also purchased at Canadian Tire, cost $24.99 and was 4 1/2 feet tall.

The other reason I had to get a larger tree was I've accumulated a tonne of ornaments. I try every year to get a "special" ornament and these have grown to a large number which just couldn't all fit on a 3 foot tree. Then, last year my Mom gave me the family collection of "special" ornaments so now even my 4 foot tree seems to bend under the strain.

So why did I forgo the tree this year? A few reasons--I am concerned about the potential danger to Jacques who is a quick little bugger and might do some damage to it or himself if I let my guard down for even a second; I won't be here at Christmas, I'll be in Huntsville with my brother and his family so I will get my fair share of tree there; My Honey isn't able to come home for Christmas this year since he's used up all his vacation time so he won't be here to appreciate it; and lastly, it's been a tough year with more losses than I care to name and I just don't feel like it.

Now I know some of you will think these excuses are just that--excuses. You'll think it would be good for me to put up the tree, embrace the Christmas spirit and chase away the blues with tinsel and lights. I appreciate your concern, but I'm here to tell you you're wrong. There's nothing more depressing than putting up a tree by yourself that no one (besides yourself) will see and then taking it down by yourself after Christmas when the sugar-high has worn off and the reality of 3 more months of freezing cold and snow is setting in.

By not putting up a tree, I can worry less about my dog, I can get my fill of Christmas cheer back in Huntsville without the work of putting up or taking down the tree, and lastly I don't have to look at all those "special" ornaments that will flood me with bittersweet memories of Christmas's past with my Mom. I'm just not ready for that. Instead, I'll be making new memories with my adorable nieces and my wonderful brother and sister-in-law who really need me there this year to bring the festive and not the sad and depressed.

So, instead of having my own tree, I've installed a Photos of Christmas Trees widget on the right-hand side of my blog. Here I go, bringing the festive! You're welcome.

Merry Christmas!

So Freaking Tired

2010-12-08T21:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, no more talk about pee an poop except to say this--the diarrhea seems to be improving and we still have a long way to go with house-breaking.

Today I had to go back to work so Jacques was left to his own devices. As far as I can tell, he didn't get into anything he shouldn't have and didn't destroy his bed, his kennel or any of the plethora of toys I left him with. Mind you, he was confined to the bathroom so there wasn't much he could get into. I came home at lunch to feed and water him but other than that he was on his own for just over 8 hours.

Jax is still handling things like a champ--I have to say he's doing way better than I thought he would. We had a nice snuggle on the couch tonight while watching TV. It would appear he's forgiven me for "the interloper."

Didn't get the best sleep last night--Jacques woke me up 3 times to "do his business" so I'm absolutely exhausted and going to bed. Right. Now.

Hours 49 to 72

2010-12-07T17:45:00.001-05:00

Jacques and I had another terrific night with no accidents and a pee break at 1am. We woke up at 6 this morning (there's been too much sleeping in going on around here) and he ate all his breakfast. Then the first set back occurred--he pooped (not diarrhea, thankfully) on the floor in the hall. Not on his pad. Accidents happen, but as it turns out this was going to be a harbinger of things to come.

We had a good play-time in the living room whereupon Jacques again raided Jax's toys, discovering items long since forgotten. Speaking of Jax, he's pretty much behaving completely normally now--he's back to being his snuggly, needy self and he's eating normally, too. He still hisses at Jacques and keeps his distance for the most part, although he is daring to come closer. He's not sniffing/tasting the air as much and he seems perfectly content to nap on the back of the sofa while I sit on said sofa and hold Jacques. Hey, if this is as good as it ever gets then I'm a happy camper!

At 10, Jacques and I went to visit my Dad and his wife (aka Grampy and Grammy). They were babysitting her niece and all three of them instantly fell in love with Jacques. Unfortunately, Jacques promptly christened the living room carpet, despite my excellent plan to bring a dry but used pee pad and making sure he knew where it was right away. He proceeded to pee on the floor a total of 3 times. Granted it wasn't much--just a few dribbles--but I was getting frustrated. He had been doing so well at home but here he was going all over the place! I was glad I'd not brought any food or allowed him any water which probably helped to minimize the damage.

We left around 12:30, Jacques thoroughly worn out and nodding off in the car (despite the pee issues, my Dad and his wife absolutely adore Jacques and can't wait for another visit.) Back at home he again ate all his lunch and I left him to have a little nap while I snuggled with Jax. After an hour or so I let Jacques out for another romp in the living room but this turned out to be a bad idea. After briefly playing with a few toys and taunting the cat, Jacques started to sniff and circle suspiciously. Just as he was about to "assume the position" I chased him back to the bathroom and corralled him onto the pad. After a few escape attempts he eventually made a small poop on the pad (just barely) so I let him back out to play. Well, the next thing I know he's crouching again, this time on the carpet. I quickly scooped him up and brought him back to the pad, but he frustratingly refused to go. By now I've finally smartened up and I leave him in the bathroom for a while. His accident in the living room is small--only a few drops--but it's a wake up call. He's still a puppy and now he's feeling confident enough to test me. Clearly we still have a long way to go with this training business.

Unfortunately the set-backs didn't end there--I got a call from the vet and apparently Jacques has an intestinal parasite. It's pretty common and easily treated but it's probably the cause of the diarrhea he's been having. At a cost of about $25 I have to give him a pill every day for 10 days at which point he should be cured. There's no risk of it being transmitted to me or the cat but I do have to thoroughly clean up his poop to prevent him from reinfecting himself.

And lastly, Jacques has really bad farts. And I don't mean "oh isn't that cute, he farted!" I'm talking eye-watering "silent but deadly" emissions of noxious gases. On the bright side, now I can blame mine on him.

To finish off, here are a few pics I took of Jacques this morning playing desperately with all the cat's toys:

That's it--bite him right on the bum.

****Update****

Aaaaaaand the diarrhea's back again. Big time. So for now, Jacques is confined to quarters (ie the bathroom) until further notice.

Hours 25 to 48

2010-12-06T18:07:00.000-05:00

Last evening was fairly uneventful--I played a bit with Jacques and tried to snuggle with the cat, chatted a bit online with My Honey, watched some TV. A nice relaxing evening with my happy, wonderful pets. Yeah, right.

Anyway, Jacques went to bed very well and I was smart enough to set the alarm clock for 1:30am at which time we got up and he did a pee (no accidents!) and then we went back to bed. He slept through to 7 again and then right away did another pee and poop on his pad (yay!) while I got Jax fed and the coffee on for me. Unfortunately, the poop was, well, "loose" shall we say. I was a tad bit dismayed but he seemed to be feeling fine so I didn't worry about it. I did start worrying when he refused to eat--he had some water but he wouldn't touch his food. I left it with him for about 15 minutes and then gave up.

After that I decided to let him roam the living room a bit--he'd already peed and pooped and since he hadn't eaten anything I figured we were safe for a little while. Jacques frolicked and took off with Jax's toys while I snapped a few pics (head on over to my photoblog for a peek) and Jax eyed us warily from the safety of the dining room which I had blocked of with a baby gate. At one point, however, Jax decided to take a closer look. Jacques of course took this as an invitation to play--not what Jax had in mind. Jacques playfully "barked" (I put this in quotes because his bark is so quiet and non-eardrum-piercing that I'm a little embarrassed to actually call it a bark) and sorta darted toward Jax. Well, Jax decided that was a little too close and gave Jacques a good swat with his (thankfully declawed) left paw. Evidently Jacques is a very smart little puppy because he correctly interpreted this bell-ringer as a sign the cat was not in the mood to play and he backed off post haste.

The rest of the morning was uneventful and at 12:30 (after unsuccessfully trying to entice Jacques to eat) he and I took a little trip to the vet for a quick look-see. After scoring a clean bill of health (and thoroughly charming the vet and her staff with his good manners and even better looks) we took a swing by the parking lot of my work-place (where he charmed a few of my co-workers and showed off his adorable new winter jacket) an finally arrived back home for a nap.

While Jacques dreamed his puppy dreams, Jax and I had some alone time on the couch. He's much more snuggly today and that makes me very happy. He's also not hissing at Jacques unless the dog intentionally comes toward him--before he would just hiss if the dog was in his vague general vicinity.

Jacques and I just spent some time playing on the floor and he (finally!) ate some dinner, but he's still having diarrhea issues which I hope will clear up by tomorrow. At least he's still pretty consistently going on his pad and doesn't appear to be sick. I'll set the alarm for 1:30 again and see how things go.

Here's a pic from Jacques first trip to the vet:

No shots of him in his new coat today--the weather was crappy and neither one of us wanted to hang around outside. Maybe tomorrow...

The First 24 Hours

2010-12-05T17:53:00.001-05:00

My dog is so full of the win it is unbelievable. And my cat's no slouch, either.

Jacques arrived at about 6pm last night and Jax was not impressed. Jacques was greeted with hisses and growls--not exactly a warm welcome. But there was no violence; in fact Jax was very friendly with the breeder, letting her pet him even. So long as she wasn't holding the dog. Jax was having none of that--he gave the dog a wide berth and I can't really say I blame him. He didn't run an hide, though--he hung around the whole time which I count under the "victory" column.

After the breeder left, I took Jacques over to what will be his domain for the next several weeks--the bathroom. I want to make sure he's fully house-broken before I let him have unfettered access to the rest of he apartment (except for the bedroom, of course.) I put down a pee pad and immediately he went pee and poo on the pad! I was thrilled! I let him acclimate to his crate and toys--he took to one particular chew toy right away so I put it in his crate and he gradually followed it in. We experimented with closing the door a few times, but he didn't seem to mind that one bit.

While all this was going on, Jax was watching us and occasionally hissing but he made no attempt to jump over the gate and enter the bathroom even though I knew full well he could if he wanted to. I left Jacques alone in the bathroom with his stuff for a while and spent some time with Jax but he was too keyed up to snuggle for long. At around 9:30 Jacques was clearly worn out and went into his crate with no fuss, did a little "decorating" with his blanket and promptly fell asleep. I brought him into the bedroom with me so I could hear him whine in the night (if he had to pee, which I knew he would) and off we went to sleep.

Now, this is where I made a mistake--I didn't set my alarm to wake up in 4 hours (how long I figured Jacques would be good for until he had to pee again) and just assumed I'd hear him whine and that would be enough to wake me up. Sadly, it wasn't, mostly because he didn't whine he just sorta snuffled and that was too quiet for me to hear until it was too late. I did wake up, but he had already peed (I think I just missed it) but I whisked him off to the bathroom anyway and that was a good thing because he promptly pooped on his pad. Once he was done his business we went back to bed and he settled down and went back to sleep almost immediately. He slept right through to 7 when I woke him up, no more accidents! And he went pee and poo right away on his pad immediately after I let him out of the crate. So, It would seem we might have a handle on this house-breaking thing after all!

Jax has been much more relaxed around Jacques today, which has filled me with hope that this will be less painful than I had feared. Jacques is fine to be left to his own devices in his "area" which encompasses the bathroom and the hallway, although he pretty much sticks to the bathroom. A couple of times he's whined and sorta barked for attention, but that was short-lived once he realized I wasn't coming. This makes me feel much better about leaving him alone for a few hours while I'm at work and leads me to believe he won't bark too much and be a nuisance to other tenants. He also hasn't had a single accident, going to the bathroom on his pad every single time. I'm not prepared to give him free-reign in the apartment yet (it has only been one day) but I'm very encouraged.

We went out to Pet Valu to get him fitted for a halter and a warm coat and he was very well behaved and didn't pee at all in the store. He's not a fan of his leash so we'll have to work on making a positive association for him. I might try taking him outside tomorrow with it on and bring some treats. I'll take a picture of him in his little coat tomorrow so you can see how freakin' adorable he looks in it.

As for Jax, he's spent most of the day either on the window sill or on the dining room chairs. I've really tried hard to give him lots of attention, petting him a lot and trying to encourage him to snuggle when Jacques is in his "area", but he hasn't been very receptive to snuggling. He's still eating well and he seems very calm so I'm hoping this is just his way of punishing me. I'm sitting here eating my dinner right now and he's making no effort to come over and check it out which is very unlike him. But all things considered I think he's doing very well with all this and it gives me hope he'll eventually come around. The first 24 hours have gone way better than I could have hoped--keep your fingers crossed the next 24 go just as well.

***Update****

I spoke too soon--Jacques just pooped on the floor in the hall. It's a good thing I'm keeping him where I can easily find his little "presents."

Today Is The Big Day!

2010-12-04T13:16:00.001-05:00

As many of you already know, I'm welcoming a new addition to my family. No, I'm not pregnant--I'm getting a dog. Today.

He's a French bulldog and his name is Jacques.

French bulldogs are great for apartment-dwellers like me--they don't need a lot of space or exercise and they generally don't bark very much. They are small dogs--adults weigh around 20lbs--but they think they're large dogs so they don't have the tendency to yap a lot like small dogs often do. I've been over to my breeder's house several times and I haven't heard the mother bark at all and the puppies very rarely. They do make the snorting and snuffling sounds typical of bulldog breeds due to their smooshed-in faces.

In case you're wondering what French bulldogs look like, they're much smaller than English or American bulldogs and their ears stand up instead of folding over. When mine's full-grown, he'll look much like this guy, but right now he looks like this:

Now, I know what you're thinking--"Hey Kendall, don't you already have a cat? What's he gonna think of this?" Yes, I am a little worried about how Jax will react to Jacques, but I'm hoping if I don't make a big deal about it, keep myself calm and let them take their time, eventually they'll at least tolerate one another. I'm ensuring that the bedroom remains Jax's domain, giving him a place where he can get away from the puppy and where we can spend time together just the two of us. Jacques will only be allowed in the bedroom at night and only in his crate. I've also purchased a couple of baby-gates that I plan on using in various configurations to keep the two of them separated when I'm not around to supervise.

It's going to be a lot of work and I probably won't get much sleep over the next several days, but it's something I've been thinking about for quite a while now and I'm well prepared for what's to come. I know many of you will think I'm completely mad for doing this and maybe I am. Look at it this way: it will make good blog-fodder!

Backin' Up

2010-12-02T07:58:00.000-05:00

My friend Katie posted this link a few days ago, but I just had to share it here. Trust me--you're gonna love it!

Happy Birthday Mom

2010-11-14T08:11:00.000-05:00

You would have been 64 today. I remember a time when I thought 64 was "old"--now it represents a life cut short unfairly by an illness that has targeted too many of our friends and family. As I write these words, your daughter-in-law's brother is barely clinging to life, the tumour in his head robbing him of him of himself, his sister of a brother, his parents of a son, his nieces of an uncle.

I miss you. I knew I would and I'm not even surprised by the intensity, but living it is harder than I thought it would be. I still listen to that voice message you left for me--I feel so lucky to have that connection, to be able to hear your distinctive voice so strong and happy. I was worried I would forget--forget your face, your hugs, your laugh--but I can remember you so clearly it's like I just saw you yesterday. But you've been gone 10 months now, and in some ways you've been gone even longer than that.

Happy Birthday, Mom. Today I celebrate your memory and your legacy. I celebrate your strength of character and strength of spirit. I celebrate all that I have learned from you and all that you still have to teach me.

Today, I celebrate you.

On the Bright Side, I'm Feeling Much Better

2010-10-08T19:26:00.000-04:00

The good news is my car is ready and I can pick it up tomorrow morning which means I can head up north to visit family for Thanksgiving like I'd planned.

The bad news is it cost $1438.12 to fix it.

Well, at least I have friends willing to fight over my pancreas...that's something to be thankful for...right?

F**k My Life

2010-10-07T19:30:00.000-04:00

So, I came down with a nasty cold a week ago and it's still lingering and absolutely refuses to depart. Now I'm at the coughing-up-my-pancreas stage and it's rather painful and fully annoying. I've decimated the better part of 4 boxes of "Puffs Plus with lotion" and I've single-handedly ensured stock holders in whatever company makes "Halls" get a nice dividend this year. Not to mention passing the virus on to countless hapless individuals with whom I've come into contact over the last several days. You're welcome.

And the cherry on top of the sundae? The clutch went on the car today.

I've always suspected the clutch was on its last legs but I've had more than one mechanic assure me it looked fine. Clearly that was not the case. As I type this, my car is sitting in the parking lot at my place of work, unable to budge without assistance from what will assuredly be a very expensive tow truck. A tow truck I'm going to have to call tomorrow morning to come pick it up and take it to a mechanic who will hold it ransom until I pay up. And pay I will. Dearly.

Anyone want to buy a kidney?

30 Days of Truth (aka Too Much Information)

2010-09-28T20:50:00.002-04:00

There's a blogging meme that's been circulating around teh Internets recently and one of my favourite bloggers brought it to my attention. It's 30 days of writing prompts that lay your soul bare for your audience, so I'm thinking it's pretty safe to do since my readership is miniscule and more or less knows me better than I know myself anyway.

So, here's the list--feel free to co-opt this idea yourself since many other bloggers have already done it so it's not like I'm being original here.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

So, starting with Day 1--and for the record, don't expect a post every single day for the next 30 'cause that's just not how I roll--here's something I hate about myself: I hate my desperate and pathetic need to be the centre of attention. I like to think I'm a confident person who likes who she is and believes in herself, but my perverse need for attention stands in stark contrast to that perception. I try very hard to be less of an attention-whore, but I just don't have as much fun socially if I'm not dominating the conversation or having all around me hang on every word of my fascinating stories Fortunately I'm blessed to have friends who don't seem to care and love me anyway even though I hog the spotlight, but I still feel like a dick the next day when I realize how much of a jerk I was. I really beat myself up over this but I can't seem to stop.

Well, that was fun! Let's hope Day 2 can keep this momentum going!

More Pics!

2010-09-25T09:13:00.001-04:00

I posted another batch of pics from Cali over at my photoblog. These ones were taken in Santa Cruz on the wine tour.

California Pics Round One

2010-09-23T20:30:00.001-04:00

Alright, hop on over to my photoblog and check out the first batch of pictures...which is actually the last batch I took but screw chronology.

Here's a couple to whet your whistle.

Guy and Kendall's California Adventure Part IV

2010-09-23T09:31:00.000-04:00

Our last full day in Cali was spent shopping and eating. After a late start (cut me some slack--I'm on vacation!) Guy and I had a delicious breakfast at Esther's German Bakery with Jess and then we did a little shoe shopping at DS. Then we went next door to Rasputin which is a used book and music store where I picked up a few things (ahem). After that we picked up My Honey and we met his Google friend (who is Jess's beau) and we all had a fabulous lunch at Google's expense. Guy and I fell in love with a fig and Gorgonzola salad and I had some awesome lamb! We finished it all off with an It's It ice cream sandwich (first time for Guy and Jess). They make a special version exclusively for Google that is sweetened with cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup.

Then Guy and I dropped My Honey off at work, Jess off at home and then continued our shopping adventure. First we hit Target for some essentials (my mascara is half the price there that it is at home) and I picked up a couple of pairs of fall work pants and a birthday gift for my niece. Then we went downtown and walked Castro street, visiting Therapy and a few book stores where I got a gift for the ~~sucker~~ co-worker who's looking after my cases while I'm away and a "Thank You" gift for Jess for letting us use her car. Then we went to Trader Joe's where Guy got some Two Buck Chuck and I got some coffee. After that we dropped by Kohl's where Guy found some pants and I got a shirt for me and a shirt for My Honey. By that time said Honey was done work so we picked him up and headed home to pack, drink wine and eat pizza.

And so now I'm home, getting ready to head off to work. It's always hard for me to come home from Cali but Guy's experiencing withdrawal for the first time today. It's gonna be difficult for him to go back to paying LCBO prices for wine and Zehr's prices for cheese, not to mention no Rasputin! Poor Guy...he just might have to move there.

Guy and Kendall's California Adventure Parts II & III

2010-09-21T11:53:00.002-04:00

So much to tell you about! We went to Santa Cruz on Sunday and brought along my new bcf (Best California Friend) Jess who is like if Guy and I had a baby and she was raised in the States but was a closet Canadian. She is so much like the two of us it's eerie. She showed me she can handle her alcohol Saturday night at Bossa Nova by helping to drain the better part of a pitcher of watermelon mojitos (and I do mean drain) so I had a pretty good idea a silly little wine tour would be no challenge at all for her. I was right.

We had an awesome time--the wines were delicious and the panoramic vistas from these mountain wineries were absolutely beautiful (pics are coming, I promise!) We bought a few bottles at the second one we visited but really I was holding onto my money for Bev Mo (my Mecca). After the wine tour, we checked into our hotel, had a wee nap and then headed out for downtown Santa Cruz. Jess and I found an adorable little sock store where we had no choice but to buy a few cute pairs, then we hit a store that sold Chinese silk clothing, purses and decor accessories and I (of course) bought a purse and picked up a little something for Katie who's looking after Jax for me while I'm out here.

We had dinner at a fascinating place--it's part lounge and part restaurant and the lighting was so dim I had to use my flashlight app on my phone to read the menu! It vaguely reminded me of New Orleans, despite never having been there. The food was spectacular and we had a couple of cocktails that were delicious and unlike anything I've every had before. We finally stumbled back to the hotel and quickly called it a night as we had to get the working folk back to town in the morning at a reasonable hour.

Yesterday, Guy and I took a road trip to Carmel by the Sea and Jess very generously (and perhaps foolishly, depending on whom you ask) loaned us her Cooper Mini which I now love with every fiber of my being. It was so fun to drive! My favourite memory of yesterday will be zooming up the Pacific Coast Highway in Paolo (that's what we named him) with the windows down, the sunroof open and the late-afternoon sun reflecting off the ocean.

We wandered around downtown Carmel a bit then had a nice picnic down by the beach. We frolicked in the surf and took a tonne of pictures (I promise!) and generally had a fantastic day. I could go on and on, but the pictures will speak for themselves.

When we got home we all went out for sushi and then drank wine in the hot tub. What a life!

Guy and Kendall's California Adventure Part I

2010-09-19T01:53:00.000-04:00

After a long but uneventful flight, Guy and I arrived at SFO at about 10:45pm Pacific time, were met by my Honey and (after a very long lineup) retrieved our rental car. We made our way into San Francisco and went to a club called DNA where we saw the DNA Lounge where we caught the last half of the Hubba Hubba Review, a burlesque show that runs there once a month. The show was pretty good--we all agreed our favourite act was the fan dancing routine by the Twilight Vixen Review. It was a long night (we didn't get back home until 3am) and I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to drive home.

Today we had a fun-filled day in San Francisco, visiting Fisherman's Wharf and the Mission. We obviously had to see the famous sea lions at Pier 39 and although we didn't get a chance to ride a cable car we did catch a glimpse of a few of them. We also did a little shopping at the Sketchers store on Mission and the Rasputin music store on Powell.

You may not know this, but finding parking in San Fran can be challenging. I was able to find good parking pretty much everywhere we went and this was just about the best part of the whole day for me. We ended the day by hooking up with friends and grabbing dinner at Bossa Nova, a great little Brazilian tapas restaurant on 8th St. We just got back and we're all exhausted. No rest for the weary, though--tomorrow we're off to Santa Cruz for a wine tour!

Kendall and Guy's Adventures in California

2010-09-17T08:08:00.000-04:00

After work today, Guy Hosenpeter and I are heading off to the Sunshine State to visit my Honey and paint the town various shades of red. Over the next few days I'll try to find the time to regale you with tales of our adventures--tonight we're taking in a burlesque show! Future plans may include (and by no means are limited to) Fisherman's Wharf, Carmel by the Sea, and a wine tour in Santa Cruz. We may even pay a visit to crazy Sarah Winchester and take a gander at her amazing house.

Stay tuned!

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

2010-08-23T19:59:00.000-04:00

Today I said goodbye to a trusted friend.

We had traveled down countless roads together, had even been in a few scrapes and jams. And boy had we weathered our share of storms. But whenever I needed her she was always there for me and I knew I could count on her to never lose her cool.

She came into my life at a time when I really needed her, and today it was time for her to move on. It was hard for me to admit that I didn't need her anymore, but as fate would have it, I knew someone who did.

That someone is My Honey's cousin and now she's the proud owner of my old Mazda.

Treat her well, Kath, and she'll never let you down.

Okay, Here It Is

2010-08-13T17:13:00.000-04:00

Here's the new hairdo! What do you think? You can't tell from this picture but it's super short in the back. He left some length in the front but thinned it out considerably so it's sleek and close to my head. I kinda look like a boy, but my boobs give me away...

So? "Hot" or "Not"?

I Feel Lighter....And Naked

2010-08-12T19:32:00.000-04:00

I cheated on someone last night. I'd like to say it was a momentary lapse, that I was caught up in the heat of passion, but I'd be lying--it was planned a week in advance.

And it was spectacular.

Now before you all start calling me names, let me make it clear that the person I cheated on was my hairdresser. And he really should have seen it coming because I cheated on my previous hairdresser with him 7 years ago. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I have been going through a hair identity crisis over the last year and it finally came to a head (no pun intended) last night. I've always had stick-straight hair my entire life (not counting a couple of ill-advised perms) so imagine my surprise (alarm, dismay) when about a year ago my hair started to get a little wavy, flipping out in ways that ruined the line of my perfect, sleek bob. This summer ("thank you, humidity!") things spiraled (again, no pun intended) out of control when the slight wave started becoming something some might call a curl. Not people with actual curl in their hair, more like people like me who don't have a curly hair on their body (no, really--not "there" either). This development has left me at a complete loss as to how to style my hair. I've tried everything I can think of but at the end I'm never satisfied.

So I decided a needed a new perspective. Enter Joe. Joe's solution? To cut my hair so short that there's no more curl left.

When I get the hang of styling this new look of mine maybe I'll post a picture. In the meantime, rest assured I like the "new me" and I'm sure you will too. I just need to get used to the feel of wind on the back of my neck again....

The Road Less Traveled

2010-08-04T19:45:00.000-04:00

I took a little trip up north to visit my family this past weekend and because I anticipated traffic would be absolutely terrible I decided to take the "back way" as opposed to the 401/400/11 highways that most favour. My usual route has me joining the 400 just south of Barrie but I decided this wouldn't really address the traffic issue so I decided to take a route that I'm less familiar with that joins Highway 11 at Orillia.

I don't know this route as well but I'm too proud to use a map so I tried to make the correct turns based on my faulty memory. I say faulty because I managed to miss Highway 26 and ended up heading east on Highway 27 instead. This meant that when I thought I was turning north on Horseshoe Valley Road I was actually heading straight into Wasaga Beach.

It didn't take me long to realize my error, but I decided that fate had intervened and I kept going. You see, it has been just over a year since my friend Jason was killed by a hit and run driver in Wasaga Beach and his family had just recently placed a cross at the spot where he died.

Apparently I needed to see it.

I just kept driving through Wasaga Beach, not really knowing where I was going and instinctively turning in the directions I knew I should roughly be going. And then I saw it. The cross was nearly buried by a giant pile of flowers but I knew in an instant it had to be the spot. It was on my side of the road and on a curve--I could see how it could have happened, in the dark and if the driver of the car was impaired (which it is generally assumed was likely the case) I could see how the driver could have over steered the curve and crossed over onto the shoulder. I could see how if Jason was walking with his back to the traffic heading away from the Metroplex how he never would have seen the car coming.

As it turns out my little side-trip didn't really make my journey that much longer but it was clearly something some part of me felt compelled to do. I'm glad I missed my turn off for Highway 26 and got to finally say good bye to Jason. It was moving to see how many people had stopped to place a flower at his cross, people who had felt as I had that they needed to make some gesture to pay their respects and find some closure. We all hope someday the person responsible for taking his life will come forward. I don't know if his parents will be able to move on until that happens, but perhaps they can find some comfort in the knowledge that their son touched the lives of so many.

We miss you, Jason.

As God As My Witness, I'll Never Be Dirty Again

2010-07-29T19:32:00.000-04:00

You'll all be relieved to know that when I got home this evening my shower was restored to a working state and I have since taken what is quite possibly the best and most satisfying shower of my entire life. Sadly, my bathroom is still a mess (the tiler did a terrible job of removing the excess grout and left his filthy tape measure behind for my measuring pleasure) but I don't care because I am clean.

I have to say, though, I was very tempted by Katie's enticing offer to avail myself of her, ah, facilities--toddler step stool and all--but there's nothing like getting all those intimate nooks and crannies clean in the comfort of your own shower. And boy did they need it! I gotta tell ya, a sponge bath just don't cut it, if you know what I'm saying. Of course you don't, and I hope you never do. The last couple of days have been worse than camping--at least when you're camping people expect you to look dirty and smell bad! I had to work, fer cryin' out loud!

Anyway, it's all over now and hopefully I'll never need to go through that again. And I'm not gonna hold my breath for any kind of compensation or even an apology from my management company. Their attitude throughout this whole debacle has been disinterested at best and downright rude at worst. Ah well, I guess things could have turned out much worse.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shave my legs.

The Shower Saga Continues

2010-07-29T07:42:00.000-04:00

I managed to get my semi-clean self to work yesterday without completely buggering up my back. Leaning over my kitchen sink for 5 minutes sure as hell didn't help, but it didn't seem to make it that much worse. Once I got to work I called the management company and left a voice message which I hoped adequately conveyed my displeasure at the sequence of events. In response to Mindy's comment, I also was the most upset about the door not being locked and I certainly tried to make that clear in my message. A woman named Heather eventually called me back and left me a message in which she apologized (somewhat unconvincingly) and blamed the mess on my super who was supposed to inform me and didn't blah blah blah. She also came up with some lame story about the plumber thinking the door was locked by simply closing it which, when you had to use a key to unlock a deadbolt, really doesn't make any sense. She assured me the tiler was coming today and then my shower would be useable. I called Heather back and (surprise, surprise) left her a message thanking her for the update but that I didn't buy the plumber's excuse for not locking my door and it had better not freaking happen again.

When I got home (and unlocked my door) I noticed right away that there were dusty footprints on my floor that weren't there when I left and that the curtains covering the slider to my balcony were open when I knew for certain I had closed them to keep the heat out. Hmm. As I made my way to the bathroom I noticed yet more white stuff on the floor, now not just dust but larger chunks of what I assumed was dried grout. Now I'm a terrible housekeeper, but that's no excuse to track shit through my place! Only I get to track shit through my place! Regardless, I just wanted this whole debacle to be over, but when I peered around the doorway it became apparent that it wasn't in fact over because, while the tiling was indeed done, I still didn't have a faucet and spout thus rendering my shower useless.

So I did the best I could this morning with yet another sponge bath and back-breaking hair washing session, but I can't help but feel self-conscious about the possibility that I might smell less than, well.... fresh. It looks like Heather is getting another phone call from me, and if the shower isn't in perfect working order by the time I get home tonight, one of you is getting a phone call. I promise I won't sing and I'll even bring my own towel.

Don't Worry, I Wasn't Burglarized

2010-07-27T19:52:00.000-04:00

I came home from work today to an unpleasant surprise--my apartment door was unlocked. At first, everything seemed fine--it didn't appear that anything had been disturbed, until I got to the hallway leading to the bedrooms and the bathroom. A bunch of stuff from the bathroom was sitting in the hall. And in the bathroom was clearly not the way I left it--I'm pretty sure I would have noticed a giant hole in the back wall and the spout missing.

At this point it became pretty clear to me that there had been a visit from the plumber whom I managed to put two and two together and figure out must have been in my apartment to address the ongoing water leak issues that I though were long resolved. Since I was under the impression these issues had been dealt with--and since no one had called or left me a note advising me otherwise--I was in no way expecting this kind of intrusion.

Now it's almost 8:00pm and whoever left my door unlocked hasn't come back and I still have a giant hole in my shower which clearly prevents me from using said shower until the hole is patched, which it is becoming more and more apparent will be tomorrow at the earliest. Normally I wouldn't be too upset by having to take a sponge bath and wash my hair in the kitchen sink, but after my crazy cleaning spree on the weekend I managed to strain my back into spasm and I'm pretty sure leaning over a sink to wash my hair isn't going to improve the situation.

This better be fixed by the time I get home tomorrow night or I'm gonna be very unhappy.

It Is Done

2010-07-24T19:42:00.000-04:00

I took 6 bags of clothes and shoes (and yes, even purses) to Goodwill today. It's the first time in a long while I've done this and I'm a bit ambivalent about it. As good as it feels to get rid of things I know will go to people who can use them, a part of me feels like I've given up.

You see, every single item of clothing I got rid of today is too small.

So I'm feeling a bit defeated. I've had to accept that I'm so far away from ever wearing these items again that by the time I get back to that size (assuming I ever do, and that's assuming a lot) I won't want to wear them anyway, probably because they will be 15+ years out of style. The shoes and purses were an easier thing--most of the shoes never really fit properly anyway and the purses had seen better days and didn't have any particularly distinguishing features to make the cut. But I'm still dealing with letting go of the clothes. Some of the pieces I've had for a very long time (like, since the 90s) and it's easy to get attached to something after that long.

I must confess--I kept back one bag. Hey, I got rid of six, what more do you want from me? Geez! Anyway, I kept one bag of stuff I just couldn't bear to part with. One such item was the faux zebra jacket I wore the first year I won "Best Male Drag" at Club Ren in their annual Halloween costume contest. With a history like that, it would be unthinkable to let go. Besides I'm pretty sure faux zebra is a classic that will never go out of style...Regardless, it stays along with a few other favorites I just can't live without, even if they don't fit.

The best part of this whole thing is I can actually get into my fabulous walk-in closet unimpeded. Formerly the way was blocked by piles of garbage bags taunting me with their too-small contents. Now I can easily get to the clothes I own that actually do fit without spraining an ankle.

So, for those of you who want proof (I'm looking at you, Mindy) here's my newly emptied closet:

See? Nothing blocking the way to all those beautiful clothes. Here's a look at the purse collection:

Now to be honest this isn't the complete collection. I do have more, but these are the ones not in the current rotation. Yes, there's a rotation. You got a problem with that?

Here are the bags of clothes I've kept. Some of them are fall/winter and some of them are spring/summer that are just a teensy bit too small:

See? I got rid of six and I kept eight. That's pretty good, right?

Right?

Well I'm proud of myself.

Mmmmmm....Ribs and Beer

2010-07-17T09:50:00.001-04:00

This weekend all us heathens in my hometown are celebrating all things beast and barley. Yesterday after work I and several of my co-workers dutifully headed over to Victoria Park like the good acolytes we are and stood in line to purchase our blue wristbands, mini Pilsner glasses and shiny beer tokens. We were joined by what appeared to be thousands of other like-minded individuals and proceeded to explore the wonder of hops one 4 ounce glass at a time.

Among my favourite masters of the grain were Flying Monkey, Cameron's (from whom I obtained an "I drink local beer" bumper sticker which I wore proudly for the remainder of the evening) and Stone Hammer whose Maple Ale is arguably the best beer I have ever tasted. As far as the barbeque part goes, the ribs I had from Camp 31 probably came from a unicorn they were that magical. "Fall off the bone" doesn't go far enough in explaining how succulent these suckers were--it was like they leapt off the bone and floated effortlessly into my mouth where they proceeded to chew themselves. And by the way, if you clicked on the link I provided you are now listening to Kid Rock murder "Sweet Home Alabama." You're welcome.

If you're in the neighbourhood, I strongly suggest checking out Victoria Park this weekend. Unless you're a vegetarian who doesn't like beer, in which case I suggest checking out the Uptown Waterloo Jazz Festival instead.

P.S. Camp 31 is located in Paris, Ontario and has arguably the best Southern BBQ I've ever tasted. You should totally go--I'm looking at you, Meat Club. It's absolutely worth the drive. Trust me.

P.P.S. For those of you who may be wondering how I got my beer-tipsy ass home last night, I took the bus. Incredible, but true.

Oh Sweet Relief

2010-07-15T20:20:00.000-04:00

I'm a human barometer--I always know when a low pressure system is coming in because my head pounds like nobody's business. It's always been like that for as long as I can remember.

And let me tell you, today's headache is a doozy.

Right now it feels like someone is pressing their thumbs into my eyeballs while someone else is jabbing an ice pick into my right temple. No amount of pain killers will help--believe me, I've tried. All I can do it wait it out and pray for the storm to finally pass. Literally.

I can hear the rumble of thunder in the distance--by tomorrow morning it should all be better. For now, escape through sleep.

Heat: The Second Wave

2010-07-12T06:59:00.000-04:00

Remember last summer? The summer of non-stop bitching about how cold it was...? How unsuitable the weather was to hanging out on the patio drinking beers with your buds or scoping out scantily-clad hotties at the beach...? Well so far this summer has been a case of "be careful what you wish for."

I should have known something was up back in earlyApril when I was taking pictures of my nieces frolicking in the sunshine in shorts and t-shirts. That unseasonably warm weather, while very enjoyable at the time, was clearly a harbinger of things to come.

After a brief reprieve from last week's heat wave, today we are faced with the promise of another. In fact, according to forecasters with Environment Canada, the entire summer will be a seemingly endless cycle of hotter than frickin' hell followed by a couple of days of relief followed by more torture in the furnace.

And that is exactly why I felt justified paying $1000 to fix the AC on my car. Hey, I'd like to see you in a car with black leather interior an no tint on the windows in 30+ degree heat (that's Celsius for my American readership) and see how long you'd last without AC! You can't put a price on that, my friend. When the cool, sweet breezes flow from the vents on my dashboard, I know I made the right decision.

I Just Have to Share This With Y'all

2010-07-11T21:26:00.000-04:00

I just watched this video of an incredible cat and an even more incredible veterinarian. Truly amazing!

Our Lady of Halibut

2010-06-09T17:56:00.000-04:00

There's an awesome fish 'n chips place a short drive from my home where they practically know my name, probably because it's my go-to place for dinner on those nights when I don't feel like cooking. I personally think they serve the best fish 'n chips in my city--both fish AND chips are made of awesome! And the tartar sauce has nothing to be ashamed of either.

But here's the weird thing--I think the fries might be magic. Every single time I open the box and look at the contents I think to myself, "Hey, they kinda skimped on the fries." But somewhere between the box and my plate a miracle happens--the fries seem to double in number (I don't know how they do it, therefore it's a miracle). The fries that seemed inadequate in the box are now so plentiful they are falling off the edge of my plate. The only thing that would impress me more would be if the grease-stains on the bottom of the box were in the image of the Virgin Mary.

I think it's my destiny to figure out the secret behind these amazing, self-replicating fries. It's becoming pretty clear that this is going to require a lot of ~~eating of fish and chips~~ research.

Humidity is a Bitch

2010-06-05T08:01:00.001-04:00

Living in Southwestern Ontario, you get used to humidity. There are days where you'd swear you were slogging through the rain forests of Borneo; you pray for rain to fall so the torture will finally end.

Today is one of those days.

While it's not especially hot out (currently 18 degrees Celsius), the humidity is at 96%. This means that you are sweaty and sticky without actually being hot. Very disconcerting. It also tends to have some other unexpected side effects. For example, this morning I thought I'd treat myself to some homemade pancakes. I've made this same recipe with the same ingredients dozens of times, but this is the first time the batter has looked like this:

Not it's usual consistency. That probably should have clued me into the fact that something was wrong, but I double-checked my ingredients and measurements and all seemed fine, so I decided to plow ahead. When I plopped the too-thick batter on to the frying pan, it just sorta sat there, taunting me:

Looks really appetizing, doesn't it? Mmmmm! It refused to bubble on top which gave me pause, but I persevered and ended up with these lovely pan-biscuits:

They sorta look like toasted crumpets. Fortunately they tasted fine, although a bit filling, so it wasn't a complete failure, but from an aesthetic standpoint I think I'll wait for better weather before trying this for company.

Something to Celebrate

2010-05-24T15:32:00.001-04:00

I've been racking up the frequent flyer miles lately with a trip to California and then a trip to Edmonton to attend the wedding of a long-time friend to his perfect woman. Now that I'm home I'm still feeling a little jet-lagged but no worse for wear overall.

The California leg of the journey was wonderful as always. The famous Bay to Breakers race was on while I was there and while I did not take part, my Honey and I and a friend went to an after-party in the Haight-Ashbury area where we danced to some decent music and enjoyed the ample people-watching opportunities. Traditionally, those participants in the race who aren't hardcore runners will dress up in costume and compete for various prizes. They also tend to consume copious amounts of alcohol/drugs which makes them even more entertaining. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me so you'll just have to use your imagination.

My Honey and I flew together to Edmonton on Wednesday to join several friends (and even more complete strangers) in celebrating the wedding of Howard and Laura on Saturday. We were meeting the bride for the first time and she is a wonderful, beautiful person who is clearly smitten with our friend Howard. Laura is Mexican and Howard is Chinese so it was a colourful, interesting and multicultural event. I've posted a few pictures from the ceremony over at my photoblog and there will be more to follow, including some taken at the reception which came after a traditional ten-course Chinese wedding banquet. All together I took over 500 pictures but clearly they didn't all make the cut. I will however leave you with this gem:

I've Got Nothing

2010-05-05T07:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry guys, blogging has taken a bit of a back-seat to real life lately. Which sounds like I should have lots of interesting stuff to blog about, but sadly that is not the case. I've just been really busy with mundane stuff and I've needed to take a bit of a break from having to be witty and amusing ;) May is gonna be about as much of a write-off as April was, but I have a trip to Cali and a wedding in Edmonton coming up later this month so hopefully that will provide some great blog material and some new pics for the photoblog.

So in closing, I'd like to thank you for visiting and ask for your patience while my life plays itself out over the next few weeks and I promise I'll be back, better than ever, after I get some focus and R&R. Hopefully you'll be there waiting for me when I get back...

Cat in a Box

2010-04-10T07:48:00.001-04:00

My cat (like all cats) loves boxes. Sadly, he seems to be a little too big for this one. Please don't be alarmed by the loud noise at the end--it's coming from an application on my computer called Poke the Penguin.

Sisters

2010-04-05T10:20:00.002-04:00

I spent a wonderful day Friday with my two beautiful nieces. They're growing up so fast, every time I see them it's like meeting new people. Two-and-a-half year old Rylie is a baby no more and she's talking up a storm. She follows her older sister around everywhere, copying her every move. Amazingly, they get along wonderfully and Hayden is enjoying her role as big sister and teacher. I'm sure my brother and sister-in-law hope this will never change, but of course it will and before we know it they'll be fighting like cats and dogs. But for now we'll enjoy the peace and joy of watching them explore the world together in sisterly love and companionship.

I'm Probably Blowing This Out of Proportion

2010-03-31T20:55:00.000-04:00

As I've already covered in this blog, I work in an in-bound call centre. Generally speaking the callers are the agents who sell our investment products or their assistants, but occasionally we get clients calling in as well. Many of our clients are elderly and are often confused by our automated attendant and they either push the wrong button or don't push any button at all and end up speaking to me because apparently I'm the switchboard.

I had to transfer one of these clients to another product queue just today since she couldn't count to 3 and pushed 2 instead. I conferenced over to the correct area and got my colleague, Wojtek (pronounced VOY-tek). Wojtek was born in Poland but raised in Canada and speaks flawless and completely unaccented English. Arguably, he speaks English better than I do. When I conferenced in the client and introduced Wojtek, the client asked, "Does he speak English?" My answer: "Yes, he speaks English," but I was stuck by the sheer stupidity of this question. I'm pretty sure the ability to speak English is a prerequisite for our job since it involves talking on the phone all day to people who expect you to speak to them in English, regardless of how you pronounce your name. So here (in descending order of snark) are the answers I really wanted to give this client:

1) Yes, he speaks English, but he has trouble understanding "bigot" so make sure you speak sloooooowly.

2) No, he doesn't speak English so he'll be using a translator. But don't worry, you won't even notice the 4 second delay.

3) Yes, he speaks English but if you ask nicely he'll teach you how to say "fuck you" in Polish.

Sorry for the rant, but this really pissed me off.

Zippy Zips No More

2010-03-25T21:10:00.000-04:00

I have some bad news. Sadly, my pet turtle Zippy has shuffled off her mortal coil, gone to the giant pond in the sky and met her maker. She is a former turtle. She's not just tired, she is deceased. I have no idea why--she was in perfect health (seemingly) and then she was dead. I clued in after she hadn't moved from her sunning rock in two days.

It is distressing to have a pet pass away with no warning--I feel like I've failed her as a care-giver. It makes me think about what right I have to even have pets, to think I have the right to keep an animal in captivity for my own comfort and amusement. I don't think I'll get another turtle. They are a lot of work and I'm just not sure I want to make that commitment again, but it's more than that--I no longer think it's morally right.

So long Zippy. I hope you're finally free.

Did You Do Something Different With Your Hair?

2010-03-22T20:04:00.003-04:00

How do you like my new look? I felt like I needed a change so I did some "shopping" and discovered this little number. I've always liked purple and orange together! I'm a little worried about the font size....let me know if it's too small.

Spring has always been a time of change and renewal for me. I find I let myself grow stagnant over the winter and by the time spring gets here I'm ready to (literally and figuratively) throw open the windows and let the fresh air in. Spring is the time when I take stock and purge that which I don't need, eliminating some physical and psychological clutter.

As much as part of me enjoys this process, there's also a part of me that is anxious about letting go of "stuff." I often find myself putting way too much energy into debating the merits of keeping or tossing something which evokes a happy memory. I'm not a hoarder (although you wouldn't know it by looking at my bedroom) but I do like to collect stuff. The funny thing is, I'm really not all that attached to it. There are a few things I'd be upset about if I lost them--my flute, some jewelry, some photographs--but if everything I owned went up in flames tomorrow I'd be okay with it. It is, after all, just stuff.

At least, that's what I tell myself every spring when go through the ritual of "keep vs toss" and attempt to tame the clutter.

To Captcha, Or Not To Captcha

2010-03-16T20:19:00.004-04:00

I've been getting a few spammers leaving comments on both my blogs lately--not a lot, but enough for it to be a bit of a pain in the neck. I'd like to think it's because my blogs are super awesome and all the popular kids are hanging out here, but I'm realistic enough to know it's just a side-effect and I'm not really all that special.

I've decided to add a captcha when leaving a comment as a way to prevent spammers, but I realize it might be a deterrent to comments in general and I don't want that. I really hope that if this captcha business is too much of a pain in the ass for y'all that at least a few of you will speak up and let me know, causing me to repent and remove the offending device. In the meantime, I ask for your patience and cooperation during this difficult transition.

Thank you, and have a nice day :)

Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall!

2010-03-07T08:24:00.003-05:00

I am an expert faller--Chevy Chase has nothing on me. I've perfected the art of falling to such a degree that I can now take the most spectacular headers and emerge almost unscathed. I started practicing at an early age; my first bad fall took place the day my little brother was born when I fell asleep on my babysitter's deck and rolled off the edge, breaking my arm on impact with the ground.

After this inauspicious beginning, I began falling in earnest: I fell off the monkey bars at school, chipping a tooth and damaging the cartilage in my nose; I fell off my bike repeatedly, leaving my poor knees scarred for life; I fell off a horse; I fell trying to get out of a canoe and into a kayak; I fell out of moving vehicles on two separate occasions (well, the first I was more "thrown" than "fell", but it was still good practice). I've fallen off chairs, bar stools, beds. I once fell down an entire flight of stairs, escaping with nothing worse than a few bruises and sore muscles.

And last night, I fell getting into a hot tub.

It was a spectacular fall, one which shall surely go down in the annals of hot tub falling history. The look of horror and concern on the faces of those present will be forever burned into my brain because despite the force of the fall, I was able to keep my glasses on. Now that's class. The remarkable thing is all I have to show for it is a small bruise on my right ankle and a bit of a scrape behind my left knee. I was sure I'd have a lot of sore muscles today, but aside from my usual lower back stiffness, all seems normal.

Another successful fall, another step closer to fulfilling my dream of becoming a famous stunt woman.

I'm Really Starting to Get the Hang of This Stuff

2010-02-25T19:23:00.006-05:00

Last night was class 5 of 8 of the photography class I'm taking together/separately with Mindy. It was our class field trip and we went to Kitchener City Hall to take night photography. Mindy tagged along, partly because her field trip was a bit of a disappointment and partly because I bribed her with sushi. Or maybe she bribed me with sushi. Either way, copious amounts of salmon sashimi were consumed.

I have to say I've learned a tremendous amount about taking pictures. The instructor is very hands-on (in a professional sense, get your mind out of the gutter!) and he's very approachable and helpful. Here are some of the valuable lessons I've learned over the last 5 weeks:

-Having the right lens will make people envy you, including your instructor;

-Night photography is hard;

-Sometimes metering doesn't work;

-Don't be afraid to crop;

-Take enough pictures of something and eventually you'll take one you like;

-Pictures look a lot different on a computer monitor than they do on the little screen on the back of the camera;

-Sometimes the pictures you thought would be awesome will suck, and sometimes the pictures you thought would suck will be awesome;

-Comparing your pictures to those taken by others will only cause you pain and grief.

My instructor asked us to decide on a theme for the pictures we would be taking on our field trip and then choose 2 or 3 of our favourites which best expressed that theme. I chose "Repetition" as my theme and I've posted my favourites on my photo blog here. Unfortunately I had difficulty narrowing my choice down to 3--go take a look and help me out, will ya?

And the Winner Is...

2010-02-18T07:04:00.004-05:00

...Cindy S!

What did she win, you ask? Cindy has won a one-of-a-kind, framed photograph taken by moi of subject matter of her choice! Cindy has chosen fish as her subject, "live fish, not dead ones" as she so wisely clarified. Does Cindy know me well? I think she does.

Anyway, live fish it is. I'll see what I can do. Congratulations Cindy, and thanks to everyone who left a comment/wished me a happy anniversary. Sorry to all of you who didn't win--better luck next year!

Another Year, Another Chance to Win!

2010-02-09T08:33:00.007-05:00

So, apparently it was the second anniversary of my blog on January 26th...unsurprisingly I was a little too preoccupied to notice. I'm sure y'all can cut me some slack on that one.

A lot has happened in my life since my last anniversary, and since I don't feel like getting into it all here I guess you'll just have to read the damn blog if you don't already know about it. I did a great recap at New Year's for those of you who want the Cole's notes version.

Anyway, let's get down to the nitty gritty, the reason we're all here: the blog candy. That's right folks, leave a comment wishing me a Happy Anniversary and I could randomly draw your name to receive a fabulous prize (no, it's not my Mom's ashes.) Now, I know a few of you don't like to feel pressured into leaving comments (which is apparently why you didn't leave one last year) so for you I'll throw your name in the hat if you either send me an email or wish me a happy anniversary in person. As for the prize, I'll give you a hint: it's related to my newest hobby.

Good luck!

Memories

2010-02-07T16:32:00.003-05:00

Family and friends gathered yesterday in Huntsville to honour a wonderful friend, partner, sister, mother and grandmother. It was a beautiful, bright and cold sunny day--perfect Ontario winter weather. The numbers were impressive--at least 100 people came to share their stories and express their gratitude at having known a woman who handled life and death with grace and courage.

I got the short straw and therefore had to speak first. This is the speech I gave on Saturday at my Mom's memorial:

"I was worried about the weather being bad today, but I should have known better--there’s no way Mom would have allowed that to happen on “her day.” I joke, but when I was a kid I was firmly convinced my Mom controlled the universe. She knew things--I could get away with nothing. Now of course I know that’s because whatever my imagination could come up with she’d already thought of herself because she was diabolical. But at the time it was like she was this all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful being.

Maybe it’s because of that perception of her that I didn’t really take her first breast cancer scare back in 1993 all that seriously--to me, she was bullet-proof. That, and the fact that I was so busy in my first year of university experiencing my first taste of life as an adult and the all freedoms and adventures that come with that and didn‘t have time to worry about something that there was no way she could actually die of. Did I mention I was a selfish, self-absorbed brat who took for granted that life would always turn out the way I thought it should? The universe reinforced that perception when she did in fact successfully beat her cancer and life returned to normal.

It would take a long time for the realization that I almost lost her to fully sink in. I really became an adult in that moment--when I realized my Mom was a mere mortal with faults and guilts; that the laws of physics did apply to her and that she wouldn’t be around for ever. The idea of living without her was crippling--I realized how special and important she was and that realization changed our relationship. We never talked about it, but I knew she recognized something had changed between us--what had changed was I now realized her full worth and value while at the same time I no longer put her on a pedestal, holding her and, by extension myself, to a standard neither one of us could ever have achieved.

When her cancer came back, we were all shocked. This wasn’t supposed to happen--she was cured. She’d patiently journeyed though that 10 year window and had made it to the other side where the chances of a reoccurrence were supposed to be smaller than chances of being killed in a car accident. Why was this happening? Surely she would beat this again. It didn’t take long for me to realize this time, things were different. Very early on I accepted that she was going to die. She tricked us there for a while--she spent an entire year looking healthier than anyone I’d ever known!

I am so thankful for those 72 weeks of successful treatment--she got to enjoy a relationship with my two nieces, Hayden and my Mom’s namesake Rylie Glorianna, who was conceived after she was diagnosed! She crammed so much life into those 72 weeks. And I soaked up her presence in my life up like a sponge. I got a voicemail from her on her 62nd birthday thanking me for my gift to her. She sounded so healthy, so vibrant, so like my Mom. I saved that message--I still have it. I listen to it every week when the time comes for me to save it again.

I’m very glad I chose to take 3 months off work to be with her on the final leg of her journey. We talked about things that we never would have talked about under a different set of circumstances. I can’t overstate how important that time was for me--it helped me to come to terms with her death and it ensured I had no regrets over things left unspoken. So few people have that opportunity to let someone know much they matter, how much they will be missed. The day before she died she told me she loved me and was proud of me, and I told her I loved her and I was proud of her. We never meant it more than we did right then.

Our mother lived life on her own terms and she died on her own terms. Make no mistake--the day she died was no accident: she didn’t want to die at Christmas, she didn’t die at Christmas; she didn’t want to die alone, she didn’t die alone; she didn’t want to die in pain, suffering the indignities that accompany long term illness, she died peacefully, with her dignity and her faculties intact.

I’ve been reading this web comic recently--it’s called “Something Positive.“ In it, one of the characters said something that really stuck with me. He said, “it’s not what happens to you that people will remember you for, it’s what you did with it.” Our Mom will be remembered not for having had cancer, but for how she lived with it--how she never lost her positivity, her courage or her strength. It may be what ended her life, but she beat cancer. She never defined herself by it. It took her body but not her spirit."

Thanks to everyone who came out and to those who were there in thought and spirit. It was the perfect day and the perfect send-off.

Where I'm At

2010-01-30T08:17:00.003-05:00

I'm not really sure what I'm feeling about my Mom's death yet. I feel like I'm taking it extremely well--maybe too well in fact. I didn't really know what to expect--I've never lost a parent before--but I had assumed I would feel more...devastated? Bereft? Instead I'm sorta numb...no, not really numb...more like separated from life. Separated from people in a way I've never felt before, like I'm looking in from the outside. I go out with people because I need to, I go to work because I need to, I get up everyday and put one foot in front of the other and live my life because I need to, but I constantly feel this sense of being in a bubble...floating along, untouched and untouchable.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop--for the inevitable crashing down and crashing in of reality. I have this constant little knot of anxiety in my stomach, like something scary is going to happen but I don't know when or how it's going to manifest.

I know intellectually she's gone--I have accepted that. I'm just not sure I've accepted it emotionally yet.

I don't know if I can.

A Light Has Gone Out in the World

2010-01-20T11:44:00.006-05:00

My Mom's long, courageous battle with cancer finally ended at about 9:30am on Monday, January 18th. My brother and step-father were with her when she peacefully took her last breath. I was able to see her on Saturday and Sunday and I'm so glad of that--she was so tired of fighting and I knew it would be the last time I would see her alive.

My Mom has been the guiding force in my life for as long as I can remember. Her personality was larger than life and she had a presence that couldn't be ignored. For a long time I was intimidated by that, I felt I could never measure up to her example. I feared her and loved her in equal parts. We had many rocky periods over the years, but she was always proud of me and never withheld her love and support. As an adult I grew a very close bond with her and learned to embrace those things we had in common and not be afraid what our similarities and differences may imply. I stopped seeing her in black and white and realized we're all just human and do the best we can with what we have.

She touched the lives of so many people--I don't think she ever realized how much of an impact she really had on all of us. I've never met anyone like her and I know I never will again.

I love you, Mom. I miss you more than mere words can convey.

Sickening

2010-01-08T20:55:00.003-05:00

I just saw this Nutrisystem commercial on TV, and I have to say the "before" of Amy is way, WAY better than her "after." Not only that, Marie Osmond looks like a corpse! What the fuck is it with some women needing to look like famine victims?

Seriously. I just don't get it. This is not beautiful, it is not healthy and it is damaging to a young woman's body-image perception.

Advertising FAIL!

Taking Stock

2009-12-31T08:02:00.005-05:00

To say this year has been difficult is an understatement of infinite proportions. It started with a painful whimper and went downhill from there. Sitting here recalling all the shit I've witnessed over the last 365 days is depressing but also weirdly empowering. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you don't know how strong you are until you're tested. This year has been quite the test.

The Defeats:

-losing my first karaoke contest

-my Mom's near-death morphine overdose at the hands of health care professionals

-serious upheaval at work, followed by major career soul-searching

-my stepfather's near heart attack followed by quadruple bypass surgery

-the tragic death of a young co-worker by a hit-and-run driver (who's still at large)

-recurring lower back issues

-my Mom's continuing decline culminating in a broken arm, broken leg and finally admission to palliative care

-the sudden passing of my father-in-law

-my brother-in-law's brain cancer came back after 10 years

-my parent's dog, Murphy, was run over by a car and killed

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can remember the many happy events of the past year.

The Victories:

-I celebrated my first anniversary as a blogger

-Holy crap! I was in a karaoke contest!

-I got to see a fabulous Andy Warhol exhibit

-I got in touch with my inner bob

-I was chosen to be a contributor to a newsletter at work

-I joined a band

-my step-father made a full and speedy recovery from his quadruple bypass surgery

-I had the opportunity to take 3 months off work to spend with my Mom, sharing her journey with cancer and in the process growing a strong bond with my nieces

-we gave The Fonz the finger

-my Mom's story helped raise money for a palliative care home in Huntsville, finally making it a reality

-Kiki and Randy got married

-my Mom made it to her 63rd birthday and was ushered into the 21st century

-I started a new hobby and a new blog

-I celebrated Christmas with my whole family, including our new puppy, Neo

In spite of all the adversity I've faced this past year, I am ultimately incredibly lucky; lucky to have wonderful friends and family, a good job, a loving and supportive partner, an affectionate (if not a little crazy) cat, and a strong and miraculous mother who continues to amaze us every day. I can't linger on the negative--I choose to embrace the positive and look forward to the new wonders and joys I will face in the new year. The challenges I face will undoubtedly compare to or even surpass what I've already seen, but I know now that out of negatives come positives that make the negatives seem worth it in the end. So I will go forward, happy in the knowledge that my journey is far from over and holds surprises beyond imagination.

Lucky Doesn't Even Begin To Cover It

2009-12-26T10:29:00.004-05:00

The weather held and I had the good fortune to enjoy a wonderful, whirlwind visit back home for Christmas. My amazing mother hung in there for yet another milestone--who would have believed back in August when we were told she might have 3 weeks to live that she'd be opening presents with her family on Christmas Day?! Best. Christmas present. Ever.

My other wonderful gift this year is My Honey flying back on Christmas Day for a week-long visit. Woo Hoo! We went straight from the airport to The Kenly's for an absolutely fantastic Christmas dinner--ham and turkey with all the trimmings including homemade cranberry sauce. Mmmmm! I think I'm still full...

I also was introduced to a new family member--my step-father's new dog, Neo. He's a cutie patootie and just what Fred needs. I'm sure they'll be wonderful for each other.

I hope all of you had a wonderful and life-affirming Christmas, and that all your Christmas wishes came true--mine certainly did!

Seriously Losing My Shit

2009-12-19T07:35:00.003-05:00

Do you realize Christmas is less than a week away!?

HOLY CRAP!!!

How did this happen? I stopped paying attention for one second and BAM! WTF?

I do this every year--I wait until the last minute (and by "wait" I mean I procrastinate) to do my shopping and then freak out when I realize how much shopping I have to do in far too little time. And then I come to the realization that if I go to the mall I'll probably kill somebody. Because I hate the mall. With a passion like that of a million hot, burning suns.

So I try to come up with creative places to shop that don't involve me getting all stabby on the five teenage girls walking abreast while texting down the mall corridor or the person carrying too many bags filled with sharp, hard objects who suddenly and without warning changes direction right in front of me and takes me out at the kneecaps. You can assume that since you don't hear any stories of a woman going on a bloody, murderous rampage the weekend before Christmas that I am usually successful.

I'm a lucky person--opportunities just seem to present themselves to me on a silver platter on a pretty reliable basis. Just when a need becomes urgent, the solution is dropped into my lap (figuratively, not literally...usually). Anyway, yesterday there was a flyer posted in the elevator of my building advising that a few of the residents will be holding a sale of their knitted and crocheted creations today and these creations are rumored to include kids sweaters, mitts, scarves and toques. Hmmmm, kid's sweaters you say? Toques? There just happen to be two adorable nieces on my Christmas list who could probably use a couple of sweaters and toques since they're covered in about a meter of snow right now (literally, not figuratively--well, their house is covered).

So once again disaster is averted and I'll come through the holidays unscathed and without a criminal record. Peace on Earth.

And I mean that!

It's a Marshmallow World In the Winter

2009-12-13T17:34:00.004-05:00

These videos were taken Saturday around 2pm near Bracebridge, Ontario. Isn't it purty? Apparently about a meter of snow fell over the course of 36 hours. Fortunately only a couple of kilometers were like the nasty driving conditions you can see in the first video--I didn't film the worst of it as I need both hands to drive (good call!). Sadly the trip took about two hours more than it should have due to the highway being closed for an overturned tractor trailer. But overall the driving wasn't bad and with the sun shining out of a bright blue sky I actually enjoyed all the snow. Shocking, I know!

By the way, that's a 4-lane divided highway. It's hard to tell with all that snow...

D'ya Think My Honey Will Take Me To England So I Can See This Play?

2009-12-11T18:12:00.002-05:00

Enjoy the awesome.

I Need Another Hobby Like I Need Another Hole in My Head

2009-12-08T21:14:00.004-05:00

I now have access to a digital SLR camera (courtesy of my late father-in-law) which has enabled me to fulfill a long-standing desire to learn how to take a decent picture. I've signed up for a photography course starting in January and to commemorate I have started a new photoblog. Feel free to check on my progress at http://kendall-worthathousandwords.blogspot.com.

Murphy

2009-12-04T17:47:00.005-05:00

I found out today that my parent's dog was hit by a car yesterday morning and was killed. My step-father is absolutely devastated--Murphy was his constant companion and provided him with much comfort after my Mom had to go into the hospital and Fred found himself alone in the house. Also, a large part of his successful recovery from his quadruple bypass last June was having to get out and walk the dog twice a day. I'm worried that not having Murphy to look after is going to throw Fred into a downward spiral--he's already struggling with my Mom's situation and this is a set-back he may not recover from.

My Mom seems to be handling it a little better, although I haven't actually spoken to her directly--email correspondence is often lacking when it comes to such emotional circumstances. I'm afraid it hasn't really sunken in yet and that over the next few days the full brunt of the tragedy will hit her and she'll be blindsided by it.

When is this shit-storm going to be over? When will we have a reprieve from this incessant barrage of grief and heartache? It just keeps coming and coming; just when you think you've started to recover from the last one you're hit with the next. I've gotten to the point now where I'm not asking "Why us?" Now I'm terrified of "What next?"

See Katie? I Can Post Awesome Videos Too!

2009-12-03T17:59:00.002-05:00

What Was I Thinking?

2009-12-01T18:14:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was my first day back at work, but it didn't really count because I spent almost the whole day sorting through the 1391 emails I received over the last 3 months. It sounds like a lot but I actually expected there to be a lot more. About 75% got deleted immediately ("Does anyone have any Tums?") and the rest gradually got filed away into their respective folders. The whole exercise was very satisfying and didn't require a whole lot of concentration which was a good thing because I was frequently interrupted by well-wishers and the curious wanting to know how I was and how my mom was, etc.

Today was another story. The morning saw me communicating frequently via both email and phone with our help desk trying to get my systems in order. Of course I had forgotten all my passwords but on top of that my access to some systems had been revoked due to the length of time I had been away. This meant sending an email to my manager asking her to provide authorization, yadda yadda yadda. Lots of bureaucratic red tape. I was scheduled to actually go on the phones and start doing my job at 12:30--I got access to the last outstanding system at 12:45. Phew!

Then came the calls--how could I have forgotten how to do my job in only 3 months? How do women coming back from maternity leave do it? That's a whole year, for crying out loud! I don't think I told anybody the wrong thing, but to be honest I'm not entirely sure. By the time 4:30 rolled around I was more than ready to get the hell out of there. And I probably only took about 20 calls!

So here I sit, glass of wine in hand, trying not to worry too much about how stressful the rest of the week will surely be. Whose brilliant idea was this again? Oh yeah, mine.

The Internet May Never Recover

2009-11-20T10:40:00.004-05:00

Thanks to the efforts of David at Huntsville Online, my Mom now has a laptop at her disposal to help her keep in touch with the world outside of her hospital room. David felt it was cruel and unusual punishment to force her to live without the interwebs, but the irony here is my Mom has never even had a personal email address let alone an Internet connection in her home!

She isn't exactly technophobic--although she's the only person I know who honestly and truly has never even tried to figure out how to set the time on her VCR--it's more like technology has never been a priority in her life. My Mom is a letter writer (you remember those people?) not an emailer; she calls you on the phone instead of sending an IM; she will never understand the concept behind Twitter or Facebook or blogging. She's an anachronism--she doesn't belong "now."

Despite this, she does seem pretty excited about this new window that's being opened for her. Maybe it's the meds, but she seems not to be intimidated at all by the scary interwebs. I hope she gets something out of it, but even more I hope the interwebs learns something from her.

If you'd like to send along emails of encouragement, she can be reached at gloriasjourney@gmail.com.

Decision

2009-11-19T09:14:00.005-05:00

I've decided to go back to work. It was not an easy decision, and I'm still not sure it's the right decision, but it's the one I've made. One week from this coming Monday I'll be sitting at my desk answering the thousands of emails I've received over the course of the last three months.

There were many reasons behind this decision: My Honey and I are hemorrhaging money right now and I feel it's my responsibility to stop leaching and resume contributing; I think it'll be good for me to get some structure back in my life; my Mom really thinks I should go back.

The last one might surprise you, but it's typical of my Mom--she feels guilty that she's keeping me from "getting on with my life" and earning an income. She hung on a lot longer than any of us expected and I think she has a little guilt about that, too. My Mom doesn't like to be a 'burden' and sometimes feels like we resent the fact she's still alive and hasn't died quickly enough. Of course this is completely insane and I'd like to blame the morphine for her skewed view of reality, but sadly she's always been this way.

To be honest I have no desire whatsoever to go back to work. I've so valued these last few months spent with my Mom and the rest of my family--it saddens and worries me to leave that cradle of comfort and strength. I'll try and come up to visit as many weekends as possible and hopefully that will be enough for all of us. I also hope that I'll be able to focus on my job and give my employer the quality of work they expect and deserve. They've been so understanding through this whole thing, I really want to do a good job for them and not be distracted by things outside of my control. It's going to be hard--I think about my Mom all the time.

Only time will tell if I've done the right thing.

Enough Already

2009-11-17T08:49:00.006-05:00

Just when my family could really use some good news, we get kicked again. My sister-in-law's brother, Richie, suffered from a brain tumour many years ago when he was a teenager. He had an operation and radiation and was deemed "cured" however he was left with partial paralysis and other health issues. Now in his late twenties, it seems the cancer has returned in the exact same spot.

It was discovered only last week after his doctors became concerned enough about bleeding on his brain to perform an MRI. But before the results of the MRI were available he began vomiting and was very lethargic to the point of being almost unresponsive. His parents took him to the hospital in Huntsville and then he was rushed by ambulance to Toronto where he is undergoing surgery to remove the tumour as I write this. We don't know what shape he will be in when he gets out of surgery; we don't know how much of the tumour they'll be able to remove. We're all very scared and feel very powerless.

My heart goes out to Ritchie and his family. Having to go through this once was almost unbearable--I'm not sure how they're going to get through it again. I adore Ritchie--he has an awesome sense of humour and is so incredibly positive, I don't think I've ever seen him in a bad mood. Getting through the surgery is only the first step--since he's already had radiation once he likely won't be able to have it again. He'll probably have to have chemotherapy to treat the cancer this time around. I've seen what chemo can do and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. He's gonna need all the positivity he can muster over the next while.

How much more are we going to have to endure? Just when I think my family can't take any more bad news, more of it comes--My Honey's aunt recently had an MRI to help solve the mystery of her own health problems, and her daughter is facing a potential health crisis as well. My own aunt has ridiculously high blood pressure and I'm very worried about her--she hasn't done a very good job of taking care of herself and she's paying the price now when she can least afford to. There's just too much to deal with all at once and none of us knows how to handle it.

I've forgotten what if feels like to not have knots of anxiety in my stomach. I just want life to be normal again. I want to wake up from this bad dream.

***UPDATE***

Got word from my brother that Richie came through the operation with flying colours! They managed to get most of the tumour, which is great news. So very relieved, I can't even tell you :)

You Can't Keep a Good Woman Down

2009-11-10T12:51:00.003-05:00

My Mom is turning 63 on Saturday--it goes without saying we never thought she'd make it--and in celebration she has dyed her hair pink. Not coincidentally, pink is also the colour of Breast Cancer Awareness. My Mom was never a person to do things subtly.

Happy Birthday Mom! I'm proud of you and I love you.

Her Special Day

2009-11-09T10:08:00.003-05:00

Congratulations, Kelly. You are a beautiful bride and an even more beautiful person. I am so lucky to have your friendship.

Jax Goes to the Vet UPDATED

2009-11-04T12:26:00.006-05:00

This morning I took my cat to the vet for the first time in our acquaintance. Not his first time--his previous owners were diligent and did all the dirty work for me (ie. declawing and neutering)--but our first time together. I took him to the same vet I took Speedy to since they gave her such excellent care. The vet, Dr. Burrows, has a very relaxing way about her and I feel comfortable there. I was nervous enough about this excursion so being comfortable with the vet was a high priority.

Jax is a naturally skittish cat--the expression in his eyes is permanently set to "surprise." It's hard to tell if he's actually scared or not by just looking at his face. He got into the carrier easily enough--he's done that before and isn't afraid of it--and even the car trip wasn't too traumatic. However, the fun began as soon as we got in the door of the clinic.

He psyched me out by not coming out of the carrier right away. This turned out to be his way of lulling me into a false sense of security. As soon as he saw an opportunity he was off like a shot, taking off into parts of the building that scream "Employees Only." Fortunately one of the vet techs tracked him down before he could find the perfect hiding place, but that didn't stop him from escaping 3 more times within the first 10 minutes we were there!

Finally, after being weighed (18 1/2 pounds!) and taking off and being caught for the last time, we were ushered into an examining room where we were left to our own devices until the vet arrived. Jax's devices turned out to be hiding under the only chair in the small, spartan room. I spent the next several minutes trying to coax him out until the vet came in and then we got to work on it together.

After much gentle persuasion on her part, we got him up on the examination table and got started. My job was to keep him up there (which was taking pretty much all my concentration) but I was able to pay enough attention to notice he was taking the examination surprisingly well, allowing the vet to handle him in ways he would have taken great exception to had it been me doing the handling. She determined he didn't have a fever, that his heart and lungs sounded good, that his ears, nose and eyes were fine, but that his teeth need a good cleaning because he has tarter buildup which is causing gingivitis.

He's a bit overweight, but not alarmingly so--you can feels his backbone and his ribs so it's not too bad. He does need to lose a few pounds though, so part of the $200+ I spent today was on some new diet food. He also got some booster vaccinations and I've got some pills to give him for worms, just in case. On the whole, he's healthy and normal and we have nothing to worry about. Which is great news 'cause frankly, I don't think I have the energy to worry about anything else right now.

Now we're back home and Jax is no worse for wear. He's fully recovered and seems entirely unfazed by the experience. I however, need a nap.

**UPDATE**

Okay, my cat is totally sulking today. I tried to explain to him that I didn't want to take him to the vet but that daddy made me, but he's not buying it. He's giving me the "My tummy hurts, I'm tired and I hate you" look and refuses to eat his new diet food that cost a fortune and is more nutritious than anything I've ever eaten. He won't snuggle with me--heck, he won't even look at me! He didn't meow his face off when I got up this morning, he didn't throw himself at my empty cereal bowl...I hope he feels better soon 'cause I miss my kitty :(

Happiness Is...

2009-11-01T12:31:00.004-05:00

...snuggling with a warm, fuzzy kitty. After all he's been through these last few weeks (and will be going through for who knows how much longer) My Honey deserves all the warm, fuzzy snuggling he can get.

I love you, Honey.

Drained

2009-10-26T07:02:00.003-04:00

I can't think too much about what my life has been over the last couple of weeks, and will continue to be for the next several, because it tires me out. I no longer think--I just "do". So much has to be done, so many commitments to people have to be kept, so much I need to do for my own self and yet, so little time. Why does it all have to come at once? Any one of these things on their own would be stressful and trying enough--why do we have to deal with them all at the same time?

It's at times like this, I suppose, that you test and learn the limits of your own endurance. We are infinitely capable; or at least far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. If I had known what was coming, I don't think I would have been able to deal with it as well. I believe that if I had known, I would have decided I wasn't strong enough to handle it and wouldn't have even tried. By having it sprung on me with no time to assess my ability to make it all happen, I've had to just jump in and do it--no time to ask myself if I'm up to the challenge.

I don't want to give you the impression I'm doing this all on my own. I have had all the resources I need to rise to these challenges. I'm so grateful to my employer for allowing me to extend my leave of absence. I'm grateful to my friends who have been such a support. I'm grateful for my Mom who has encouraged me to be with My Honey in spite of her own illness and needs.

I am especially grateful for My Honey. He has still managed to provide me with support in his own time of need. When he asks me, "How are you doing?" I know he really means it. How can this man who just lost his father still have the emotional energy to care so much about my well-being? I can only hope I will have the same concern and compassion for him when I'm consumed with grief over my Mom's death. He's incredible and continues to amaze me every day.

Mourning

2009-10-20T08:23:00.004-04:00

A week ago today, My Honey got the phone call we all dread--his father had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. Incredibly (and luckily), My Honey was home with me when he got the call instead of being alone in California. What has followed has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions and surprisingly organized, from meeting with the funeral home director to the visitation to the funeral to meeting with the lawyer to being on the verge of filing for probate.

My Honey's dad never threw anything out. This has been a blessing and a curse. Fortunately, he was far more organized than I ever gave him credit for, so we have (so far) been able to locate all the vital documents we've needed to locate, and in a timely manner. We found a will, we found bank statements, we found tax assessments on his two properties, we figured out who his insurance broker was, we (finally!) found the mail key...it's like a scavenger hunt with a partially complete list of items.

I can't help but draw comparisons between My Honey's experience in dealing with his dad's affairs and what mine will be like when the time comes for me and my brother to deal with my mom's. In the majority of ways, the experiences are completely opposite: she's already arranged and paid for her cremation; she has organized her finances down to the last minute detail; I know who her lawyer and accountant are; we don't have to dispose of any assets because her husband will continue to live in the house. By contrast, My Honey has to make some very important decisions about what to do with the two houses he now owns in a northern Ontario city several thousand kilometers from his current residence.

One thing these two people will have in common in death is that they will have touched the lives of countless people in ways one only learns about after their passing. Hearing the stories this week about My Honey's dad has been wonderful and insightful. You know a person usually only in one or two slices of their life--when they die you get the opportunity to connect with people from the other slices and see that person in a whole new way. This is what I look forward to when my mom has gone--hearing people's stories about her and knowing that she had an impact on so many people in such a diversity of ways.

My grieving process for my mom started 3 years ago; My Honey's started 7 days ago. In spite of this, his strength and desire to do what was right for his dad have humbled and impressed me. I am also impressed by his family and how they have deferred to him on nearly every decision and gave him the support he needed without hijacking the proceeding to pursue their own agendas or further the strife that has existed within the family for the last several years. Again, I didn't give enough credit.

My Honey has a monumental task ahead of him, and I hope and plan to be there for him every step of the way. I have the utmost confidence in him and his ability to make the right decisions for himself because he knows who he is and what he needs and wants to get out of this tragedy. He said to me the other day, "When you have a child the only certainty is that there will be one of two outcomes--either he will mourn you or you will mourn him." In some respects, I think My Honey has been preparing for this his whole life.

Gloria's Story

2009-10-05T19:37:00.005-04:00

Please click on this link and read this article about my Mom, written by her family doctor. The article also includes a letter my Mom wrote to the local paper about Hospice Huntsville and their plan to build a palliative home in Huntsville.

I'm so thankful to Dr. Trenholm and David Harris at Huntsville Online for helping to tell my Mom's story. Her story is an important one, not because it is unique but because it is so heartbreakingly common.

I am so proud of my Mother and her indomitable spirit. I cherish these last few weeks we have together and I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity to walk by her side on her final journey. It has been a wonderful gift for all of us.

Tinsletown Comes to Our Town

2009-10-02T16:02:00.004-04:00

A very unexpected thing is happening in my parent's town--"The Fonz" is filming a movie. That's right, just down the street from their house Henry Winkler is chewing the scenery along with Graham Greene some guy named DJ Qualls whom I've never heard of but is apparently pretty famous. The town is obviously excited and the shoot is attracting large (by small town standards) crowds who are hoping to catch a glimpse of our favourite, cuddly little rebel.

But the story doesn't end there--a little over a month ago, my parents were approached by the production company to use their house as a main location for the shoot. The woman (whose name escapes me at the moment) fed them some line about how the director/writer grew up in a house just like theirs,* that they loved what they've done with the landscaping, yadda yadda yadda. Long story short, turns out they were only going to offer my parents $200 for what could have been multiple days of shooting which could have resulted in untold damage to the property and premises. Now, we may be small town, but we're not stupid. Despite initial excitement, the $200 up for grabs just didn't justify the potential disaster this could have become.

Don't worry! Our failure to cooperate in no way disrupted or derailed the filming of what is surely to become a Canadian independent film classic. Amazingly there is another brick bungalow in town that worked in a pinch and I'm sure the film crew is down there as we speak turning that guy's front lawn into mud and hoping to hell that all these hicks in Hicksville will (golly gee!) be honoured to let them drag their Klieg lights and cables all over their hard-earned homes for the princely sum of 200 bucks (which is pretty much all an independent film can afford to pay for a location) and the privilege of basking in the glow of Hollywood glamour.

*This house doesn't belong to either my parents or Thomas Michael, but as you can see it is hardly unique. (My parent's house is prettier though!)

Downtime

2009-09-29T12:19:00.002-04:00

I'm back at home until Thanksgiving (that's the Canadian Thanksgiving to my millions of American readers) and I have mixed feelings about that. I really need to be here--for me and for my sorely neglected cat--but I can't help but feel anxious about leaving my Mom. She seems to be doing well on the outside, but inside they have discovered a new tumour on her chest wall, tumours on her orbital bones and some small tumours in her neck. The tumour in her chest is partially cutting off arterial blood flow to her lungs, which is obviously not good, and the tumours on her orbital bones are pressing against her eyeballs which makes her eyes water and affects her vision. She's probably legally blind at this point; it's that bad. I keep waiting for the phone call that tells me she's taken a turn for the worse and I better get my ass back there.

But for better or for worse, I'm here and trying to make the best of it. My cat has missed me desperately, evidenced by the fact that he won't let me out of his sight. Truth be told, I missed him too. He's a pain in the ass, but he's also warm and cuddly and very reassuring. And he loves me. Almost as much as he loves food.

I've also been thinking a lot about the future, what it might hold and where it will be spent. It's becoming more and more important to me to find a way to be in California with My Honey. There will be a lot to work out, but it's been too long this way and I just can't do it anymore. When Mom is gone, my most compelling reason for staying will be gone too. I have other very good reasons for staying--friends, family, universal healthcare--but weighed against being with the man I love there's no contest. Sorry guys! You'll just have to come visit me in sunny California!

Farrah Flip and the Nut Huggers

2009-09-20T20:34:00.005-04:00

I am the best aunt in the world. Seriously. Just ask my niece, Hayden. She will happily show you the "stuffy" (Hayden for stuffed animal) I bought for her, then she'll tell you about the crafts we made, the banana chocolate chip muffins we baked and our visit to the pet store to play with the kittens and look at the bird with the funny name.

She will confirm I gamely played "doggy goes to the vet" and pushed her endlessly on the swings. She'll giggle when I mention how she got my pants all wet when we paused to splash our feet in the water during our walk along the docks, and she might even remember that I took her for ice cream and let her drink almost a whole can of orange pop.

All of this we accomplished in one day, the day we got to spend together, just the two of us with no parents and no little sister. It was an awesome day that I hope we'll both remember for a long time.

And with respect to the title of this post:

The next morning, while my brother made us all pancakes for breakfast, an episode of "The Littlest Hobo" came on. The episode was called "Boy on Wheels" and it featured a very young nobody from Scarborough in the role of "Tommy." Tommy sported an awesome Farrah flip (even 17 year old boys couldn't resist it's allure) and some very tight short-shorts. So the title of this post is the name of my new band, in honour of a native son who will hopefully never forget his roots.

Sing along everyone!

Addendum:

Sadly, I couldn't find video footage of Mr. Myers and his iconic look, but here and here are some stills from the episode I located through Google Images. Ah internets, I think I love you <3

Holding Court From Her Hospital Bed

2009-09-11T09:34:00.004-04:00

Just a quick update you let you know my Mom's doing great! She's been outside a few times in her wheelchair--the physio ladies, Sue and Jane, have perfected the system for getting Mom out of bed and into the chair so that Mom's not even anxious about breaking anything anymore. The first time was nerve-wracking and more than a few tears were shed, but now she's doing it like a champ and is even teaching the nurses how to move her!

She's getting lots of visitors and phone calls--so much so that we've had to make up a schedule so everyone gets a chance to do some "one-on-one" private time with her. The grandkids have been making lots of wall art to decorate her room, and the flowers on the windowsill are so jam-packed you can hardly see outside.

She and I have had some wonderful conversations about all sorts of things--I'm so glad to have this time with her where she's lucid, in minimal pain and able to enjoy herself. There's lots of laughter, a few tears, but always a feeling of well-being and genuine happiness radiating from her room at the end of the hall. I hope it's rubbing off on some of the other patients (and nurses, too!)

Two months ago, my Mom was given two months to live. They shoulda known she wouldn't give up that easily!

"It's hard for me to be in a bad mood when you're being so nice to me."

2009-08-27T16:44:00.004-04:00

One of my co-workers said this to me yesterday, and it got me thinking. I guess I am a pretty upbeat person, which I realize can be annoying to some people at times, especially when they're having a bad day and have a low tolerance for cheefulness. I come by this trait honestly--my Mother is perhaps the most cheerful and upbeat person I know, so apparently that apple didn't fall far from the tree.

I sometimes feel it's my job to bring up the mood of those around me--be the "cheerleader", if you will. I know my Mother has felt this way throughout her illness and she always makes sure no one sees her having a bad day. Even when her pain is almost beyond the limits of human tolerance, she'll struggle to put a smile on her face and do her best to reassure you that she's "just fine."

Last Saturday, my Mom had an operation to stabilize her fractured femur with some pins. The operation was a success and she had no troubles at all coming out of the anesthetic. By Sunday morning, she was her usual chipper self, joking with the nurses and other women on the ward. Another patient on the ward was evidently annoyed by my Mom's cheerfulness and complained to her nurse about it. Okay, I get it--some people are not "morning people", especially when they're in the hospital and probably feeling pretty shitty. No problem. Here's my problem--the nurse actually told my Mom to be less cheerful.

Are you fucking kidding me?

That really pissed me off. No health professional worth his/her salt should be telling any terminally ill patient that they're too happy and need to be less happy because their positive attitude--which is painstakingly constructed each day in order to make the specter of looming death less scary--is annoying someone else who lacks the same positive outlook.

My Mother's positive attitude is the reason she's still here. When she was first diagnosed, she was given 3 months to live--that was 3 years ago. She has defied every doctor's expectation and continues to do so. So forgive me if I get a little angry when someone suggests she should "tone it down" because it's like saying we, and she, aren't worth living for.

Difficult

2009-08-18T09:22:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted an update on how my Mom is doing. I'm sorry for that--I know a lot of you deserve to know what's been going on because you care about me and want to be supportive in "my time of need" but it's difficult for me to bring it into this forum. I'm getting really good at talking about it and not crying, but for some reason I want my blog to be separate--"uncontaminated" if you will. Despite this somewhat irrational need, I'm going to give you an update because things have changed and I think you all should know. I'm gonna give it to you straight, people--so don't say you haven't been warned.

My Mom has broken her left arm and her left leg. As a result of this (read: our inability to care for her adequately at home) she is now in the hospital and will be there until she dies, which the doctors say will happen within the next 2 months. Her primary care physician has provided me with a letter for my employer which will allow me 8 weeks of unpaid compassionate leave to go "home" and be with my Mom. I'm probably going to go by August 31st at the latest, and will periodically come back here for some respite from the stress and to make sure things are okay at my place.

Jax will have to be farmed out, and Guy has offered to take him in. I'm unsure of that working as he and Max (Guy's cat and Jax's former "roommate") don't really get along all that well, but Guy has a 3 storey townhouse so he can separate them if need be. I guess (as with everything) I'll have to be flexible and make other arrangements if necessary. I also have several social commitments over the next several weeks (Kiki's wedding shower, S&M bookclub, etc) that I really want and need to be able to keep--for my own sanity I need some semblance of normalcy--but I may not have a choice and I know all of you will be understanding if I'm unable to attend one or more of these events.

I also want to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to all my friends and family who have been such a wonderful support to me throughout this excruciatingly difficult time. I really have the best people in my life and I couldn't have remained as strong as I have without you. I love you all so much and I have no idea if I'll ever be able to adequately express how much your presence, both physical and emotional, has meant to me. I'm (ironically) not a "sharer" when it comes to emotional expression, and I appreciate that you have all allowed me to come to you for support when I need it in my own time and in my own way. Your quiet compassion has been exactly what I needed and I thank you for it. It's only going to get harder from here, but I know I have all the support I need and that is more comforting to me than you can ever know.

Maybe It's a Sign

2009-08-12T09:00:00.005-04:00

I pulled a muscle in my back on Saturday while putting on my bra. You may recall a similar incident a while ago. These two events have led me to the conclusion that I should stop wearing undergarments.

I went to the chiropractor yesterday to see what could be done and he beat me up pretty good. Is it weird that I really liked it? He practices something called Active Release Therapy which hurts like Hell but seems to have been extremely effective. Not to mention the tremendous rush I got from all those endorphines--nature's way of getting you high to take your mind off of excruciating pain.

He also gave me a crap-load of really strenuous excercises which looked misleadingly easy when he did them. These are meant to strengthen my core and will replace the damaging crunches I've been religiously doing at the gym which he explained have been worse than useless, even contributing to my problem by weakening the tendons that hold my spine together. Isn't nice to know your efforts to get in better shape are actually causing more harm than good?

This would all be so much easier if I could just exchange this lemon of a body for a new one. If anyone is deserving of a "cash for clunkers" incentive it's me.

I Swear This is Not a Food Blog

2009-08-07T19:35:00.004-04:00

I could never be mistaken for Julia Child, but I know my way around a kitchen well enough to ensure I don't starve. I live and die by "The Joy of Cooking" which is an encyclopedia for the culinary illiterate. I'm not afraid to experiment which is probably why my best "recipes" really have no recipe to speak of.

A staple in my diet is my signature chickpea salad. It's undergone many a variation in it's day, and the last incarnation was a combination of chickpeas, black beans, cucumber, green onion, grape tomatoes, feta cheese and my favourite balsamic salad dressing. Today, however, I changed things up a bit and decided to incorporate quinoa (pron. KEEN-wah).

I have never used quinoa before, so a little digging on the internet schooled me on proper preparation. Tip: it expands. A lot. After cooking way more quinoa than I really needed, I let it sit and cool for a few minutes before incoporating it into my salad. The results are spectacular, if I do say so myself, so I've decided to share my secret and embarrassingly easy recipe with y'all.

Kendall's Keen Quinoa and Chickpea Salad

1 19oz/540mL can of chickpeas
1 19oz/540mL can of black beans
1-2 cups of cooked quinoa (1/2 - 1 cup uncooked)
1/3 of a large English cucumber
most of a quart container of grape tomatoes
2-4 green onions (2 if large, 4 if small)
100 grams feta cheese (or to taste)
1/4 cup of your favourite salad dressing (vinaigrette works best)

After preparing too much quinoa, set aside to cool and try to figure out what you're going to do with the extra. Drain the chickpeas, rinse well and put in a large bowl. Drain the black beans, rinse well and add to the chickpeas. Add quinoa to the chickpeas and black beans until it looks like a good balance. Slice the cucumber into half-inch sections, then quarter the sections. Add to the chickpea/black bean/quinoa concoction. Slice each grape tomato in half and keep adding them to the chickpea/black bean/quinoa/cucumber almost-salad until you like what you see. Chop the green onions into small pieces and throw them in there, too. Drain the feta and crumble into the nearly-there salad. Give it a good stir (mix it up really well) and if it looks good, add the salad dressing a little bit at a time, stirring in between additions. Feel free to taste your wonderful creation to ensure the right amount has been added. Once you're satisfied, it's done!

I seriously tried hard to make this as easy to follow as possible, but feel free to make any changes/additions/etc. These measurements provide me with probably 7 to 10 servings and this will last about a week in the fridge.

Bon appetit!

Getting Some Action

2009-08-01T11:03:00.002-04:00

Well I'm back in sunny California visiting My Honey and so far things are going swimmingly--and by "swimmingly" I mean I've seen a lot of fish! Thursday night we went to Nightlife at the California Academy of Sciences where we toured the rainforest, were stared down by fish that looked like they came out of Jim Henson's imagination, were ignored by pretentious penguins and creeped out by taxidermied African wildlife. Oh, and we got to watch two geckos "do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

All in all, a successful outing.

"Life and Death Are Balanced on the Edge of a Razor"

2009-07-29T12:22:00.006-04:00

Early Sunday morning, a friend and colleague of mine was tragically killed in a hit-and-run accident. He was 31 years old. The perpetrator has not yet been caught.

He was a wonderful person who touched the lives of many.

Jason, we love you and we miss you.

"Without Music, Life Would be a Mistake"*

2009-07-21T10:54:00.006-04:00

Last night was my first "practice" with the Kitchener Musical Society Band, and really there are no words to describe how much I sucked. My biggest fear was passing out from lack of oxygen (I play the flute--it's an occupational hazard when you're new to the instrument or just really out of practice, as I am) but I need not have worried because in order to pass out you actually need to be playing which I hardly did at all. I had forgotten how much I had forgotten, if you know what I mean. Not to mention my embouchure is so pathetically out of shape that I was flat the whole night. This is what one gets when one has not been playing the flute regularly (or kissing one's boyfriend regularly--either one) so it's time to strengthen those lips, my friends.

On the plus side, everyone was really nice and didn't make me feel bad at all about how much I sucked. One of the other flautists is going to email me PDFs of all the music pieces because we're not allowed to take the original copies home to practice with. I mean really--what's a little copyright infringement among bandmates? I'm gonna need to really work hard to be able to play in the Christmas concerts, but I'm up for the challenge and I know I can do it. As My Honey pointed out, "At one point you were an excellent flautist... why would you think you couldn't be again?"

See why I love him?

*In case you're wondering, it's Frederch Nietzsche.

Me? Dust? You're Funny!

2009-07-17T17:24:00.003-04:00

I'm hosting my book club tomorrow night and frankly the anxiety is killing me. I'm the epitome of an extravert--I need to be around people on a fairly regular basis or I will lose my shit--but having people over is beyond stressful. I always feel like people will judge me (and find me wanting) for the state of my apartment.

Now I'm going to be very upfront here--I am not a "Domestic Goddess." I hate housework. Some people find vacuuming, mopping, dusting, ironing, etc., to be relaxing or even (gasp!) enjoyable. These people are crazy. Reading a book is relaxing. Having a beer on a sunny patio in July is enjoyable. Housework resembles neither of these things--housework is a necesary evil.

I have made an effort over the last couple of days to make my apartment "acceptable". This has involved removing copious quantities of cat hair from furniture, putting clean towels in the bathroom, washing dishes, dismantling my "monument to procrastination" (also know as my pile-o-recycling) and finding new homes for all the crap I've allowed to collect in various piles throughout my abode. But despite all this, I know in my heart it's in vain because no amount of last minute cleaning is going to disguise the fact that I just don't give a shit. Really. And I feel bad about that.

I feel bad because I know that many people (perhaps even most people) do give a shit. They keep a clean house that's organized and smells fresh and is all the things mine isn't. And they will walk into my house and be appalled. They'll try hard not to show it--they'll sit stiffly on my funiture, trying not to come into too much contact with the fabric, and they'll pretend they don't see the cat hair in their drinking glass when I serve them their Pina Coladas, and when they go to the bathroom they'll hover over the toilet seat while trying not to look at the less-than-white grout between my tiles. I know this as surely as I know my own shortcomings as a homemaker. And yet, I want to say to these people (and myself)--get over it. Life is too short for getting down on your hands and knees to scrub grout with a toothbrush. Go out and seize the day. Spend time with your family. Read that book you've been too busy to pick up. Go treat yourself to a nice meal at the new restaurant downtown. Leave that plate on the counter to wash another day--it'll still be there.

But maybe you won't be.

My Mother's Crazy Dog

2009-07-15T13:27:00.006-04:00

I know, I know. Where the Hell have I been? Let's just say I've been living by the motto, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Things have been rough lately, as most of you know. I made a conscious decision to leave the negativity out of my blog, but that's made it a lot harder to post. It's nearly impossible to have happy thoughts when all you can think about is horrible, awful, negative shit.

But I finally have something super awesome to blog about! My Honey gave me the most awesomest, bestest birthday present ever which I've had a ball playing with all weekend! No it's not a dildo--get your minds out of the gutter! It's about the size of a deck of cards, fits in my hand and isn't a digital camera. Bet you can't guess what it is!

It's an HD digital video recorder! So I guess it is technically a digital camera, but it doesn't take stills, although you can isolate individual frames in the video and make them into pictures. I guess what I'm saying is I'm full of crap and if you guessed "digital camera" you guessed correctly.

I have had the best time filming my family this past weekend! Really! Especially my Mom's crazy dog, Murphy. So without further ado, here I present my first feature film--ok, I guess it's more of a "short"--"Crazy Time" starring Murphy the Dog!

I apologize if the video seems really choppy--I'm new to this whole thing so it's a work in progress. I think the .mp4 format is perhaps the problem, but I'm not sure. Either way, I'm sure you'll enjoy snickering at my laugh which is loud and abundant.

Stay tuned for more videos and pictures!

Anything to Avoid Doing Dishes

2009-06-14T11:58:00.004-04:00

I've been an absent blogger all week, but I had a good excuse: my life was boring and I felt like a sack of shit. However the last two days were much more eventful, and I'm mostly over the cold I developed on Sunday night and am now just plagued by my agonizing allergies.

Friday I got my Birthday Haircut ('cause Monday's my birthday...hint hint) which I'm very happy with. It's still a bob but he cut it nice and short in the back to keep my neck cool in the heat of summer--if it ever gets here. At around 8pm or so I went out with Kiki, Randy, Katie and Guy for a much anticipated "Evening in Paris." Sadly not Paris, France (or even Paris, Ontario) more like a bar with cardboard Eiffel Towers on the tables and an annoying (but hot!) mime. It was an event hosted by the staff association at work, so our expectations weren't high. Tickets were $15 each and for that you got 2 free drinks, all the deep-fried pickles you could eat, and a shot at some sweet prizes which (not unsurprisingly) none of us managed to win. Despite the lack of prize winning, we had a good time and didn't leave until the music stopped and we were nearly forcibly removed.

But the weekend was just getting warmed up! A special woman in my life takes me every year for my birthday to see a play in Stratford and to either lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant. Yesterday that day finally came and it did not disappoint. We saw Colm Feore star in MacBeth at the Festival Theatre and it was really well done. It was set in Mid-century, civil-war torn Africa which seems strange but was oddly fitting.

Feore is one of my favourite Canadian actors, but he wasn't my favourite player in this--I really enjoyed the actress who played Lady MacBeth, Yanna McIntosh, and I was impressed with the short but effective performance of Kolton Stewart who played the young son of MacDuff. In his final scene he's murdered by having his throat cut by MacBeth's henchmen. It was done in a very realistic and visceral way and it was quite disturbing, as was all of the violence in the play.

I found in general the performances were very subtle, not overblown in the way Shakespearean theatre can sometimes be. The modern military setting served to enhance the feeling of tyranny and control MacBeth tried to exert over his domain, with the ever-present soldiers in army fatigues standing watch from towers equipped with searchlights and machine guns. The use of television screens in most of the second half of the play conjured up comparisons to an Orwellian "1984"-like state. It was an interesting and effective interpretation of a play that's difficult to execute in a modern setting.

For dinner, we went to Charbries, a local fine dining establishment and one of my special friend's favourites but one I have never visited. I had a lovely spring salad with chevre to start and beer-battered pickerel with sweet potato for my main. I somehow found room for strawberry rhubarb pie flambeed table-side for dessert. My friend and our other dining companion (a childhood friend of hers visiting from Arizona) each had crab cakes and pizza Provencal--a flatbread crust with "spicy garlic sausage, roasted sweet pepper & red onion ... layered between mozzarella, parmesan & goat cheese ... drizzled with balsamic vinaigrette." I had a bite of it and it was as delicious as it sounds!

Today I'm recovering from the food coma by doing dishes, making Father's Day cards and throwing together some chocolate peanut butter squares for my co-workers for tomorrow--it's tradition to bring a "treat" to work on your birthday. My rule is you don't get a treat until you wish me a happy birthday. What?! It's my birthday, my rules! Who's gonna argue? These squares are awesome!

I Wonder If They'll March in This Year's Gay Pride Parade?

2009-06-05T08:46:00.002-04:00

Get it? "March?" Gay Pride parade? They're penguins?

Never mind.

We can learn a lot from these birds. Whoever says homosexuality is "unnatural" has obviously never watched Animal Planet.

The Bad and the Good

2009-06-04T13:59:00.003-04:00

I just found out that my supervisor has been "let go." This really sucks for her since she's been with the company for something like 15 years, but also for me because I really liked my supervisor and she really liked me. She was my champion and mentor and now I'm feeling kinda lost and adrift.

Change is afoot and I'm still a little unsure of how it's all gonna turn out. I'm still not really worried about my own job, but there's a definite sense of unease around here. Two supervisors have been let go in as many weeks--not a good omen.

On the bright side, I was chosen to be a contributor for a newsletter that has been developed by our investment processing services area to be distributed all through the wealth management division, so that's pretty cool! I'll be responsible for the CSR perspective I guess--we meet on June 10th to plan the July newsletter so I'll know more about my responsibilities then. I'm really excited to do this--it'll look good on a resume and on my performance evaluation, but it'll also give me an opportunity to meet people that work in other areas and give me another perspective on my position within the company and where I could be headed. This is just the boost I needed after the disappointment of not getting the trainer job!

Hello? Are You Still There?

2009-06-01T09:23:00.003-04:00

I know, I know--I suck. Apparently my little ol' blog that I thought nobody cared about actually has a loyal following that's clamouring for a post. Who knew?! So here goes:

I had a busy week last week! My friend Jenn has recently become a Mary Kay representative so Shara (among those clamouring) hosted a party on Wednesday to help get her started. It was lots of fun, got to see some people I haven't seen in a while and even managed to spend a little money on a couple of items I couldn't live without--hello lipgloss!

On Friday I went to dinner and symphony with a close friend. We enjoyed Beethoven's Ninth which I had never heard performed live before--the choir was awesome! Then on Saturday I got to see even more friends (who knew I had so many?) that I hadn't seen in a long while. I finally got to meet (just about) 10 month old Evan and had my ass handed to me by his (not even) 4 year old brother Joshua when we faced off over Wii bowling.

Saturday night I was initiated into the S&M Bookclub (is it even still called that?) where we discussed (among many, many other things) The Book of Negroes which is this year's One Community, One Book selection and I highly recommend it. I will host the next one--which we'll be doing in July--and chose The Red Tent as my book selection. This is one of my absolute favourite books and I'm looking forward to hearing what the other's think.

So are we square now? I promise I'll keep posting so long as you all keep providing me with an active social life ;)

Shame On You Indeed

2009-05-27T09:41:00.000-04:00

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/us_vote_gay_marriage

California has disappointed me yet again.

Bang a Drum

2009-05-25T18:50:00.004-04:00

I have always had this dream of learning how to play drums. The closest I ever got was playing the crash cymbals and the triangle in the high school band. I did have a huge crush on a drummer in said band, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't count.

I finally got the opportunity to live my drummer rock-God fantasy on Thursday night when Kiki and Randy had me over for dinner. After a few glasses of wine it occurred to us (okay, I sort of insisted) that it would be a splendid idea to play Rock Band 2. I didn't really give either of them the chance to pick the drums--look, I'm the guest so don't I get first pick? I've played with My Honey before, but I was always too intimidated to attempt the drums. It's amazing how wine will turn that kind of thinking on it's head!

Now I have a good sense of rhythm, but I'm not very coordinated which probably helps to explain my complete lack of success in activities requiring the ability to do one thing with one body part and a different thing with another--like basketball or the "sixty-nine" position. So imagine my surprise when I turned out to be not only competent but, dare I say, moderately talented! I managed a score of 87% on my very first song! Okay, so I was on the "easy" setting but still--87% That's not sucky at all! Especially after 3 or 4 glasses of wine--hey, I'd like to see you try it!

Next time I'm at their place I'm totally making them play with me again so I can see if it was a fluke. If I can master the drums in Rock Band I can do anything! Maybe I'll even try walking-while-chewing-gum again...

I Laughed, I Cried, I Choked From My Hacking Cough

2009-05-20T17:29:00.001-04:00

That is all.

Bathroom Etiquette for Dummies

2009-05-12T21:11:00.002-04:00

I had a very interesting (no, really--it was) conversation the other day with a couple of coworkers about bathroom etiquette. The two of them were "pee shy"--they won't go if there's someone else already using the restroom. They also had rules about what stall a new comer should choose based on which one they had already occupied (hint: the farther away, the better) and how much conversation is acceptable between restroom users (in case you can't guess, none.)

I nodded and smiled in something resembling agreement because I could see they were somewhat passionate about the topic, but I'm afraid I could only partially relate. I couldn't care less whether there's someone peeing next to me in a stall or whether they can hear me pee. I'd prefer to keep the conversation to a minimum, especially while in the act of peeing, but if someone initiated I wouldn't snub them or anything.

I have some modesty--I won't drop trou in front of just anyone and void my bladder--but I have peed in front of My Honey. I guess what it boils down to is I just don't see it as that big a deal. We all do it (unless you're on dialysis or have a catheter or something) but yet we seem to need to pretend we don't. When I announce to my group of friends/coworkers/random strangers in a restaurant that I need to pee, I'm met with embarrassed snickers and cries of "TMI." Why are we so obsessed with making a show of denying our bodily functions?

Here's Something to Make My Problems Seem Insignificant

2009-05-07T17:34:00.004-04:00

The day I left California for home, my train to the airport was delayed because someone walked in front of a Caltrain in a successful bid to end his life. It happened to be the train that left right before the one I was scheduled to take. I had even thought about taking this earlier train, just to be sure I wouldn't miss my flight.

As my train slowly passed by the site of the "incident," I saw his body covered by a yellow tarp. It was more disturbing than I expected it to be.

Today I decided to search Google news to see if they had anything on the incident--they did, but in looking I discovered someone else had done much the same thing the day before. This one disturbed me even more since there was a possibility I had may have interacted with this individual as I and My Honey have been to her place of work on more than one occassion.

I guess I'm posting this to reassure you all that despite the fact that I'm down right now, I am no where near where these two poor souls had to have been to do what they did.

My heart goes out to those they left behind.

I Can Hear a Pinot Noir Calling to Me...

2009-05-07T16:12:00.005-04:00

Made it back safe and sound from California! No Swine Flu--oops sorry, H1N1 or whatever the heck it's called. No emergency landings on the Hudson River, the air line didn't lose my luggage and my parking shuttle was waiting for me when I exited the terminal. All this might suggest I'm in fabulous mood, but sadly I am not.

I came back to work on Wednesday to discover I didn't get the trainer position I applied and interviewed for and desperately wanted more than anything in the whole world. This seriously bummed me out.

I tried to not get my hopes up, but I really should know better--I always let myself get all hopeful and worked up about stuff like this and then when it doesn't happen I crash like a Steinway Baby Grand off a 30 storey building.

It is a small consolation that my supervisor thinks I was the better candidate and that the wrong person was chosen for the job. I understand why this person was picked, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it.

I'm just going to wallow in self-pity/red wine for a few days until I either fell better or feel nothing. I predict that will take until Sunday.

Greeting from Rainy Cold Shitty California

2009-05-01T13:52:00.002-04:00

Got here okay, reasonably pleasant flight with the smoothest, softest landing in the history of aviation. I didn't even realize we were on the ground until we started to slow down! Anyway, My Honey is sick (no, it's not the Swine Flu) so we're gonna stick close to home for now, but I'm hoping to get to the California Academy of Sciences at some point while I'm here.

Had to bring a whole crap load of clothes with me because the weather is supposed to be all over the frickin' place with rain more often than sun. Regardless it's just nice to be here with My Honey--we hadn't seen each other since my karaoke awesomeness in February!

Cross your fingers that we see the sun at some point over the next 5 days and that I get to wear the capri pants I brought with me at least once. I shaved my legs in preparation and everything and I really don't want to waste that.