Downtime

I'm back at home until Thanksgiving (that's the Canadian Thanksgiving to my millions of American readers) and I have mixed feelings about that. I really need to be here--for me and for my sorely neglected cat--but I can't help but feel anxious about leaving my Mom. She seems to be doing well on the outside, but inside they have discovered a new tumour on her chest wall, tumours on her orbital bones and some small tumours in her neck. The tumour in her chest is partially cutting off arterial blood flow to her lungs, which is obviously not good, and the tumours on her orbital bones are pressing against her eyeballs which makes her eyes water and affects her vision. She's probably legally blind at this point; it's that bad. I keep waiting for the phone call that tells me she's taken a turn for the worse and I better get my ass back there.

But for better or for worse, I'm here and trying to make the best of it. My cat has missed me desperately, evidenced by the fact that he won't let me out of his sight. Truth be told, I missed him too. He's a pain in the ass, but he's also warm and cuddly and very reassuring. And he loves me. Almost as much as he loves food.

I've also been thinking a lot about the future, what it might hold and where it will be spent. It's becoming more and more important to me to find a way to be in California with My Honey. There will be a lot to work out, but it's been too long this way and I just can't do it anymore. When Mom is gone, my most compelling reason for staying will be gone too. I have other very good reasons for staying--friends, family, universal healthcare--but weighed against being with the man I love there's no contest. Sorry guys! You'll just have to come visit me in sunny California!