Friday, November 28, 2008

Sit On My Face and Tell Me That You Love Me!

Holy crap.

I have a confession to make. A small part of me doubted that this CPAP machine would really make that much difference. A large part of me desperately hoped it would, but there's always that small nagging voice of doubt that's there no matter how hard you try to stifle it.

Well, it has shut up now.

I had the best sleep last night in beyond recent memory. I woke up feeling completely refreshed, not at all groggy or tired. I've been in a fabulous mood all day and my energy level hasn't flagged yet! All my hopes and desires have been fulfilled by Gonzo.

Sorry Honey, but there's gonna be someone else in bed with us tonight.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I'm So Excited!

I picked up my new CPAP machine today for my 30 day free trial! I brought it home and set it up and it's there patiently waiting for me to use for the first time tonight.

I think I'll call it Gonzo.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Guy Hosenpeter's Birthday Extravaganza!

On Saturday the gang and I helped Guy celebrate his "29th" birthday in style. During the day we visited several wineries including Angel's Gate, Chateau Des Charmes and Coyote's Run. Much wine was both tasted and purchased and by the time we were heading home we were ready for the greatly anticipated dinner that Guy was planning to make us all that night. Yes, you heard right: Guy made his own birthday dinner and let me tell you, what a dinner it was!

He made an absolutely fabulous meatloaf that was so moist and tasty it really shouldn't have been called meatloaf. This was accompanied by a sweet potato side dish that we all loved. Even Randy who hates sweet potato agreed it was tolerable. Guy also made us roasted green beans, bell peppers and onions and glazed carrots. It was a feast I tell you! Kiki offered to make dessert and she brought "Sex in a Pan" which really should have been called "Group Sex in a Pan" because she just put it in the middle of the table and we all dug into it.

After dinner came the wine (or in Kiki's case, rum) women and song part of the evening's festivities. We played dance music at top volume and got ourselves into the mood for going out to our regular Saturday night dancing destination where we danced the remainder of the evening (and part of early next morning) away.

All in all a successful birthday of which Guy should be extremely proud!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Have I Mentioned How Much I Hate TV Commercials?

It's time for another rant! This one is courtesy of the marketing geniuses as Chevrolet. Apparently they think the way to attract women car buyers is to pelt them with 4 inch stilettos. I'm sure you've all seen the commercial where a female driver is suddenly startled by a shoe landing on her new Chevrolet Transverse gas-guzzler. She then proceeds to run out into the street along with other shoe-crazy women to collect the manna from heaven.

I perceive many problems with this scenario: 1) It would hurt like hell to be hit in the head by a Manalo Blahnik dropped from 40 000 feet; 2) Last time I checked shoes come in various sizes, styles and colours--the statistical probability that she'll end up with even one matching pair, let alone a pair that fits, is astronomical; 3) I've just purchased a $30 000+ SUV--do you really think I'm going to be okay with the shattered windshield and severely dented hood that will result from footwear hurtling at my vehicle from space?

But all these complaints pale in comparison to the blatant sexism and propagation of negative stereotypes that are at the heart of this ad. This my friends is why North American car manufacturers are in their death thoes--they are so out of touch with their consumers that no bail out package can help them now.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I Can't Wait for My First Recording Contract

I'm going to the Big Show people! I've been selected as a finalist in "Flanagan's Idol!" That's right, envy my karaoke prowess. If I win the final, I get $1000!

Apparently some tone-deaf judges at karaoke last night determined that I had the pipes to compete with the really talented people in Flanagan Pub's January Karaoke contest. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but I guess I'd better start taking my morning shower singing much more seriously.

Now comes the hard part--deciding who's song I'm going to mangle, er, I mean "perform" in the final!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Miscellaneous Musings

I hit a bump in my workout road this week--muscle spasms in my lower back. I ended up flat out on my couch for three days but I'm back in action now. Last night was my first visit after 4 days away and miraculously I hadn't lost any ground. And I only gained back one pound!

It's my Mom's birthday on Friday and she and my Aunt are going to see Tina Turner in concert. How cool is that? I can't wait to hear all about it--I'm sure it'll be quite a show!

Speaking of incredibly talented singers, Guy and I are hitting the karaoke scene on Thursday. The Social Committee at my workplace has planned the event and of course I'll take advantage of any opportunity to support my team (and by "support my team" I mean "be the centre of attention.") We're planning a revisit of our infamous Babs/Neil "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" should bring down the house!

I'm hoping to visit some friends in Toronto this weekend, although these friends have yet to confirm plans (hint, hint). Since one of them is celebrating her birthday soon I have an excuse to go shopping for a present (and we all know how I love to shop.)

This has been a pretty scattered post but I just had a lot of little things to bring to the table and none of them warranted their own post so this is what y'all get. Feel free to disregard at your discretion. :)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

We Have Witnessed Something Amazing

I know I'm not American but I still want to throw in my two cents on the outcome of yesterday's Presidential election:

-I'm thrilled that there is no way that Sarah Palin might become President at any point in the next 4 years.

-I am honestly surprised that Barack Obama won since I always figured they would elect a Republican female President before they would elect an African-American Democrat.

I just hope he doesn't meet the same fate as that of the last American President who made people this passionate about politics...

P.S. I'm really disappointed in Californians for passing Proposition 8 :(

Monday, November 3, 2008

I'm a Legend. No, Really.

I have a dirty little secret--I like to dress up as a man.

But only one night a year and only because I get money for it.

Really, it's not as naughty as it sounds--for the last 3 years I have won "Best Male Drag" at the local gay bar. I'm straight (too straight according to some of my friends) but for some reason I just find this a whole hell of a lot of fun.

I started down the male-drag path on Halloween 2005 when I dressed as a flashy '70s-style pimp complete with goatee, zebra-print jacket and giant red velvet "Bid Daddy" hat. I wore dark sunglasses and carried a cane with a golden dragon's head on it. I looked awesome and apparently the patrons at the bar agreed 'cause I walked out of there with an $25 extra bucks in my pocket. Well, that's a lie--I spent it on drinks. But I walked out of there with an envelope with "Best Male Drag" written on the outside and the proud knowledge that I could fake maleness better than any other woman in that bar that night.

The next year my friends and I decided to do a group costume and we all dressed up as the Village People. I went as the cop and I had some stiff (heh, heh--"stiff") competition from Kiki who was the sexiest construction worker I've ever seen in a gay bar, and my other friend Cootchie whom I feel should have won for her incredibly believable "leather man" (complete with actual motorcycle chaps!). However, once again I went home with that same little envelope and a standard of drag excellence to uphold.

I'm very proud of my 2007 entry. I worked hard (heh, heh,--"hard") to come up with an original idea and I came up with Ron Jeremy. Yes, that Ron Jeremy. I again donned a mustache, purchased some fake chest hair and darkened my arm hair with waterproof mascara. I made up a fake name tag from a porn convention, borrowed a Hawaiian shirt from my Honey and squeezed into my tightest jeans that would show off my fake "package"--a rolled up tea towel. I put on my sleaziest aviator shades and greased up my hair to darken it and keep it off my face and away I went, primed to compete in my third Halloween as "Best Male Drag".

Again I walked away with that envelope, but it was a hollow victory. I was the only entry! I guess word had gotten around that I was a force to be reckoned with (or, more likely, women in my city just aren't all that keen on dressing like men) so even though I won I was disappointed that no one had bothered to give me a run for my money. I decided then and there that I was hanging up my handlebar mustache. No more dressing up like a man for me.

This past Halloween none of us had our hearts in getting all dressed up so it was a non-event for my group of local friends. I was invited to 3 parties but I just couldn't get up the enthusiasm for coming up with a costume so I didn't go to any of them.

On Saturday Kiki needed to go dancing so we decided to hit our local gay bar (yes, that gay bar) and shake our various body parts on the dance floor. There were still a few die-hards with costumes on, but the festivities had already taken place the night before so none of us had the least intention of dressing up. I approched "Bradley the Shooter Boy" who MCs the Halloween costume competitions as "Miss Drew" and asked him who had taken up my crown as "Best Male Drag." He replied that they had to retire the category because no one had shown up to take the prize. Retire a category? Because I didn't slap on a fake mustache? I felt an odd combination of pride and guilt. I felt like my Hawaiian shirt and fake chest hair should be hanging from the ceiling like a retired basketball jersey, while at the same time I felt like I had somehow let the team down.

However, they haven't seen the last of me in male drag--apparently they're looking for judges for their "Miss Club Ren" annual drag competition. And the judges have to also be in drag. Any one have any suggestions?