Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I Guess That's Not What They Meant

I was watching one of my favourite home decorating shows the other day and the couple they were featuring had a 2ish year old and another one on the way. They were looking for help to "baby-proof" their home and I thought, "Well I should hope so, 'cause they're obviously getting in somewhere!"

*rimshot* *cymbal*

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Obviously, I'm a Cat Person

When I was a child, I was fascinated by TV commercials. I would be held in rapt attention during those particular two minutes when only moments before I was completely ignoring the actual program. As I've gotten older, I've become really annoyed by most television advertising. I studied advertising in school, so maybe that's a contributing factor, but I find most ads are ill-conceived and poorly executed. On the rare occasion when I come across a truly excellent commercial I'm disproportionately thrilled, often telling friends and family about it ad nauseam.

One of my least favourite series of ads running on TV right now are for Pedigree Healthy Vitality dog food. They feature a dog alone with the food in an all white room with no sound except the disgusting noises a dog would make while scarfing down dog food. On top of that the sound has obviously been amplified for an even more nauseating effect. Arguably the worst offender features a Jack Russell Terrier gnawing away at a Denta Stix thingee and the audio has been cranked up to such a degree that you can actually hear a hiss! The voice over commentary is patronizing in the extreme and makes me want to effect violence on the ad exec who approved this insult to my intelligence.

Thankfully, television remotes come with a "mute" button.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Turning 35 = Painful


I "threw my back out" this morning while pulling on my underwear. Now I'm in no small amount of pain and have a lousy (and embarrassing) excuse for it. Fortunately I still have some muscle relaxants and pain pills with codeine in them left over from when I had back spasms a year or so ago, so I'm managing. I'm able to sort of shuffle around my apartment like some kind of arthritic octogenarian with osteoporosis. It's depressing as hell.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

My Boyfriend is Better Than Your Boyfriend

My Honey is the Best Honey Ever! He navigated me though getting onto my beloved Interwebs using his crazy Linux-speaking computer in his office. I feel honoured and proud that he would entrust me with the awesome responsibility that comes with using this computer. I'd like to think I'm the only person aside from him who has had this privilege, but I could be just one of a long line of women who've taken 'er around the block, if you know what I mean...

Anyway, the important thing is I now have a home-based portal to the wonders of the world wide web and I no longer need to blog from work which I'm sure pleases everyone, not the least of which is my employer.

He may be an enabler, but he's my enabler!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Technology is a Bitch

My computer is broken.

This is my excuse for not posting to this blog in forever, and believe me--it's killing me! I pride myself on being slightly techno-phobic--I don't even own a cellphone--so I'm a little disturbed by how much it's bothering me to not have access to the interwebs at home. I'm actually blogging from work! I know many people wouldn't find this strange at all, but I feel like I'm breaking some kind of personal code by doing this.

A lot has happened since my last post--my Honey came home for a visit; friends got married; I turned 35--and I haven't been able to share any of it! I just couldn't take it any longer, I had to post from work.

My Honey's visit was way too short; he really only came back because he was standing up for our friend Rick in his wedding to Shara (although he claims it was also my birthday gift). The wedding was lovely--blessedly short and only 2 speeches! We all had a wonderful time and now the happy couple are honeymooning in Ireland.

My birthday weekend was loads of fun (read: much consumption of alcohol involved) and I almost don't feel bad about turning 35! Kiki and Randy gave me a fabulous purse (see the lovely picture top left); Guy got me a beautiful silver lariat-style necklace; I was treated to a play by a long-time friend (Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shew") and I'll have fun spending an assortment of gift cards from my Dad and his wife. And my Mom's card is in the mail along with a "little something" to spend on myself.

All in all, I can't really complain. Except about my computer. That blows.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

"She's in the Recovery Room and she's asking to see you"

I brought my car into Mister Transmission yesterday for an oil change and transmission fluid change/flush/filter replacement. I had no idea how expensive that was gonna be! I get a message on my work voice mail from the mechanic: "I just wanted to let you know everything went okay, no complications or unexpected problems." He made it sound like I was some kind of anxious relative and he had just performed surgery on my loved one!

He was a nice guy, though--he even removed my dangling, damaged heat shield which has been rattling in a very annoying way for months now. And he didn't charge me! Nice guy. Sadly, I only have to worry about my transmission fluid about every 50 000 km, so I probably won't be seeing him again. Too bad--he seemed to genuinely care about my car, what with his good bed-side manner and all...

Monday, June 2, 2008

Oh, My Head...

What do you get when you combine several women exhibiting varying degrees of intoxication, Mardi Gras beads and impending nuptials? That's right--a Stagette! Followed the next day by a killer hangover.

Shara's "big day" proved to be a great excuse for me to over-consume 3 different varieties of alcohol and then scream, "Show us your tits!" at strange men in a night club (like I need an excuse.) On the plus side, there was no shortage of said men who were willing to flash me for some cheap, dollar store baubles.

Sunday was spent in a painkiller-induced coma, but it was all worth it to see Shara in her tacky '80s hat and veil. Besides, my great aim at "Pin the Penis on the Man" was at least partly due to the vodka coolers and Mandy's eye-wateringly strong Jello shooters.