Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Excuses, Excuses

I've been having some anxiety lately and it seems to have developed into a mild depression. Nothing to worry about folks, I'm not suicidal (thus the "mild" part) but it has reduced my enthusiasm for blogging and twitting as well as socializing in the "real" world. Depression's funny that way--it makes you want to shut off from the world which only deepens the depression. Sneaky bastard.

What am I anxious about you ask? In descending order:

Mom's not doing so well. She got through all her radiation but it took a lot more out of her than she anticipated and so I'm worried about her. I'm suffering a bit of a money crunch lately what with the car costing me a fair amount last month and with booking the flight to Cali and with a wedding invite in June and and and. Money (or should I say a lack thereof) has always stressed me out. I'm worried about this stupid Swine Flu shit--not because I'm afraid I'm going to get it but because I'm worried it might cut-short (or stop altogether) my upcoming trip to see My Honey and I really need this trip. Lastly, I applied for and was interviewed for a trainer position at work to fill a year-long mat leave. I really want it, so I'm allowing myself to get all freaked out over it and that's just not cool.

Basically, all this shit happening all at once is just bringing me down and I know it'll pass but until then I'm gonna be off the radar for a little while and I just don't want y'all to worry about me . Hopefully cool stuff will happen in Cali this weekend and I'll make an nice shiny, happy post about it so y'all can envy me. ;)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Confessions of a Shopaholic. I Said, "Shop"

I don't ordinarily order from the Sears catalogue, despite it being a fixture of my childhood. My Mom ordered from it frequently in the past, although that seems to have waned somewhat. Since we lived north of nowhere with few affordable clothing stores, the Sears catalogue was pretty much the only way to get anything even remotely fashionable.

I did say "remotely."

I recently ordered three items from the catalogue (well, I ordered online, but whatever--it was still from the catalogue). I picked up two of these items today and let me tell you--"epic fail." One of the items was so much too small I couldn't even get it on, and the other item (which ironically was labeled a size smaller) did fit but was really unflattering. I still have hope for the third item which is on backorder--that means it's popular therefore good, right? Either way, I'm returning stuff and it kinda makes me feel like a failure. On the bright side, it means I'll have more money to spend on clothes in California. And I'll need it--my summer wardrobe is lacking, to say the least.

I particularly enjoy how much farther my dollar goes in the US. I no longer buy bras and underwear here because they're about half the price there. I got a shirt for $2 at Ross. Two freaking dollars!! I don't even get deals like that at Winners! So really, having this stuff not work out is a blessing in disguise. For the $110 I spent on two things here I could have practically a whole new wardrobe from Target. Sweet! Okay, I feel better now.

Does My Back Looked Humped in This Outfit?

Canada-hatin' Billy Bob Thornton's recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live continues to add insult to injury by not only allowing Kimmel to mention his (apparently no longer) taboo acting career, but by referring to hard-working bloggers everywere as "humpback geeks."

Fuck you, Billy Bob.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

How to Embarrass Yourself in Public Without Really Trying

1: Agree to meet a co-worker for beer after work so you can both enjoy the fabulous patio weather after a long, tiring week and then have said co-worker stand you up so you end up sitting alone on the patio surrounded by people enviously eyeing your table and chairs for their own large groups of happy co-workers who didn't stand them up.

2: Spill an entire pint of beer--a beer you really needed and decided to order anyway even though your co-worker is more than 30 minutes late and is likely not showing up so you'll be sitting there alone with your spilled beer and shredded dignity while sympathetic strangers provide you with paper napkins from their dispenser because for some reason there aren't any at your table.

3: Make sure you say "Shit!" really loudly when you spill the beer because just spilling the beer didn't draw enough attention to your pathetic situation, you had to compound your embarrassment by making sure people two tables away now know you're alone and just spilled your beer.

On the bright side, the weather was fantastic and I didn't get charged for the beer I spilled so I still count last evening as a win. I ordered a burger and graciously allowed a few of the chairs to go to better, more crowded homes and generally enjoyed myself while people-watching the other patrons, sipping my beer and watching the sunset.

Just as I asked for my bill, a couple of women came out onto the patio in search of a table. None were free, so I flagged them down and told them they could pull up a chair if they wanted as I was leaving shortly. They accepted and there were introductions all around. We made small talk and it came out that they belong to a roller derby league and their team is recruiting. Roller derby you say? Hmmm. Intriguing.

Stay tuned!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I Love My Friends

The following is an excerpt from a 4-way email communication last Thursday between myself, Guy, Kiki and Katie. How did I get so lucky to have such awesome friends?

Kiki: So where does everybody want to go? Did we decide? I have a weird headache behind my eye that says it's been too long since alcohol.

Me: You had suggested Ethel's yesterday. That's fine with me, but I'm easy...

Guy: And cheap too. Ethel's I mean, not you. So, Ethel's it is then? Since Kendall gets off (heh heh) at 6:30 we can just meet there at 6:45. I'm picking Kiki up at work--Katie, let me know if you need a ride too from Laurier if that's where you are...

Katie: ummm....i'm not sure if i am going to my afternoon class, so i will email (i am still in class right now...on break)...SO ....i will email after lunch thesis presentation went well! least i think it did..we'll see.
i counted the number of times i said vagina/vaginal, so that was cool.

Me: I haven't been able to convincingly use the words vagina or vaginal in conversation today. Although it hasn't stopped me from trying.

Guy: I would assume it comes up lots when discussing people's investments...I know I use both ALL THE TIME when talking about life insurance policies!

Kiki: Not to put a damper on all the joking...but I actually did have to use the word vaginal a couple of times when preparing an underwriting quote. I didn't feel right about it though...I felt icky inside.

Me: I'm so jealous--your job (and Guy's apparenlty) is way better than mine. I only get to say penis.

Kiki: Yeah, but that's just when you're sexually harassing your co-workers.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Thursday, April 9, 2009

There Are Somethings Money Can't Buy. For Everything Else There's Mastercard

Oil change and Engine System Flush: $75
Transmission Fluid Change and Flush: $170
Power Steering Fluid Change and Flush: $80
Coolant Change and Flush: $100
Full Tank of Gas and Car Wash: $33

Not having my 12 year old car break down on me during this weekend's roadtrip: Priceless.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Billy Bob Thornton is Off His Meds (Again)

Who'd of thunk a little interview on CBC radio would become the talk of the internets?

Someone came of as a dick in this interview and it wasn't the Canadian. Manners triumph over rudeness yet again!

It'll make you squirm, but it's totally worth it. For the squeamish, here's a partial transcript.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

A Little Bit of This, a Little Bit of That

Mom Update:

She convinced her doctor to ditch the morphine pump and now she's on a patch which is a huge relief and has improved her mood immeasurably. Her latest test results show a very small (like millimeters small) increase in her tumour growth (which is better than we had expected) however there is bad news--a larger more aggressive tumour on her spine near her tailbone/small of her back is threatening to cause permanent nerve damage which will lead to paralysis, incontinence and other nasty and unbearable things.

So the doctors have suggested (and my Mom has agreed to) radiation therapy on the tumour to shrink it and avert these problems (hopefully.) She starts a week from Monday and will get treatments every week day for two weeks. I guess at that point they'll see how effective it was and will decide what to do from there. The best part? Mom's now got a tattoo! Four of them in fact--they had to tattoo little dots on her tummy to guide the radiation techs to get the aim right. I was hoping it'd be a 'tramp stamp' but you can't have everything.

My New Hairdo!

I love my hair again! I've spent the last year or so not really loving my hair which is hard for me to admit because I'm very hair vain. Historically I've loved my hair most when it was cut in a bob and (probably not coincidentally) it's also the style I get the most compliments on. My Honey and my hair stylist both prefer my hair longer so I have been giving it the old college try, but no matter how great the hair cut I just couldn't really embrace longer hair. I hate the feel of it on the back of my neck, I hate how hot is seems and how it's always getting in the way. And don't start with the "Why don't you just put it up?" If I wanted my hair up I'd have it short. Not to mention I feel like I look terrible with my hair back in a ponytail.

The final nail in the coffin of my long hair came last Sunday when Kiki said to me from across the room, "I miss your bob." That was all the validity I needed. So last night I instructed my loyal and long-suffering hair stylist to "take it all off" which he did and it looks and feels fantastic! I think it might be the best bob I've ever had. It's an angled bob (longer in the front, shorter in the back) with a subtle stacked back that I can add major volume to if I want a more Vamp-y look. The front comes just below the chin and the back is just above collar height. The reason I'm going into such great detail with the description is because you're not likely to see a picture of it posted to this blog any time soon. And did I mention I'm vain about my hair?


It was Randy's birthday on Thursday and tonight's the big celebration. Don't know exactly when it's all starting but I know the festivities will include dinner and drinks at a local pub, probably hangin' and prezzies at Katie's and then dancing our figurative asses off at our preferred dance club. Katie and I got the best gift ever for him--he better like it or we'll kick his ungrateful, skinny little 'O'Nasty' ass! Actually, Kiki's gift was better--she got him Rock Star for his XBox360. Their neighbours are gonna hate us...