Did You Do Something Different With Your Hair?

How do you like my new look? I felt like I needed a change so I did some "shopping" and discovered this little number. I've always liked purple and orange together! I'm a little worried about the font size....let me know if it's too small.

Spring has always been a time of change and renewal for me. I find I let myself grow stagnant over the winter and by the time spring gets here I'm ready to (literally and figuratively) throw open the windows and let the fresh air in. Spring is the time when I take stock and purge that which I don't need, eliminating some physical and psychological clutter.

As much as part of me enjoys this process, there's also a part of me that is anxious about letting go of "stuff." I often find myself putting way too much energy into debating the merits of keeping or tossing something which evokes a happy memory. I'm not a hoarder (although you wouldn't know it by looking at my bedroom) but I do like to collect stuff. The funny thing is, I'm really not all that attached to it. There are a few things I'd be upset about if I lost them--my flute, some jewelry, some photographs--but if everything I owned went up in flames tomorrow I'd be okay with it. It is, after all, just stuff.

At least, that's what I tell myself every spring when go through the ritual of "keep vs toss" and attempt to tame the clutter.

To Captcha, Or Not To Captcha

I've been getting a few spammers leaving comments on both my blogs lately--not a lot, but enough for it to be a bit of a pain in the neck. I'd like to think it's because my blogs are super awesome and all the popular kids are hanging out here, but I'm realistic enough to know it's just a side-effect and I'm not really all that special.

I've decided to add a captcha when leaving a comment as a way to prevent spammers, but I realize it might be a deterrent to comments in general and I don't want that. I really hope that if this captcha business is too much of a pain in the ass for y'all that at least a few of you will speak up and let me know, causing me to repent and remove the offending device. In the meantime, I ask for your patience and cooperation during this difficult transition.

Thank you, and have a nice day :)

Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall!

I am an expert faller--Chevy Chase has nothing on me. I've perfected the art of falling to such a degree that I can now take the most spectacular headers and emerge almost unscathed. I started practicing at an early age; my first bad fall took place the day my little brother was born when I fell asleep on my babysitter's deck and rolled off the edge, breaking my arm on impact with the ground.

After this inauspicious beginning, I began falling in earnest: I fell off the monkey bars at school, chipping a tooth and damaging the cartilage in my nose; I fell off my bike repeatedly, leaving my poor knees scarred for life; I fell off a horse; I fell trying to get out of a canoe and into a kayak; I fell out of moving vehicles on two separate occasions (well, the first I was more "thrown" than "fell", but it was still good practice). I've fallen off chairs, bar stools, beds. I once fell down an entire flight of stairs, escaping with nothing worse than a few bruises and sore muscles.

And last night, I fell getting into a hot tub.

It was a spectacular fall, one which shall surely go down in the annals of hot tub falling history. The look of horror and concern on the faces of those present will be forever burned into my brain because despite the force of the fall, I was able to keep my glasses on. Now that's class. The remarkable thing is all I have to show for it is a small bruise on my right ankle and a bit of a scrape behind my left knee. I was sure I'd have a lot of sore muscles today, but aside from my usual lower back stiffness, all seems normal.

Another successful fall, another step closer to fulfilling my dream of becoming a famous stunt woman.

I'm Really Starting to Get the Hang of This Stuff

Last night was class 5 of 8 of the photography class I'm taking together/separately with Mindy. It was our class field trip and we went to Kitchener City Hall to take night photography. Mindy tagged along, partly because her field trip was a bit of a disappointment and partly because I bribed her with sushi. Or maybe she bribed me with sushi. Either way, copious amounts of salmon sashimi were consumed.

I have to say I've learned a tremendous amount about taking pictures. The instructor is very hands-on (in a professional sense, get your mind out of the gutter!) and he's very approachable and helpful. Here are some of the valuable lessons I've learned over the last 5 weeks:

-Having the right lens will make people envy you, including your instructor;

-Night photography is hard;

-Sometimes metering doesn't work;

-Don't be afraid to crop;

-Take enough pictures of something and eventually you'll take one you like;

-Pictures look a lot different on a computer monitor than they do on the little screen on the back of the camera;

-Sometimes the pictures you thought would be awesome will suck, and sometimes the pictures you thought would suck will be awesome;

-Comparing your pictures to those taken by others will only cause you pain and grief.

My instructor asked us to decide on a theme for the pictures we would be taking on our field trip and then choose 2 or 3 of our favourites which best expressed that theme. I chose "Repetition" as my theme and I've posted my favourites on my photo blog here. Unfortunately I had difficulty narrowing my choice down to 3--go take a look and help me out, will ya?

And the Winner Is...

...Cindy S!

What did she win, you ask? Cindy has won a one-of-a-kind, framed photograph taken by moi of subject matter of her choice! Cindy has chosen fish as her subject, "live fish, not dead ones" as she so wisely clarified. Does Cindy know me well? I think she does.

Anyway, live fish it is. I'll see what I can do. Congratulations Cindy, and thanks to everyone who left a comment/wished me a happy anniversary. Sorry to all of you who didn't win--better luck next year!

Another Year, Another Chance to Win!

So, apparently it was the second anniversary of my blog on January 26th...unsurprisingly I was a little too preoccupied to notice. I'm sure y'all can cut me some slack on that one.

A lot has happened in my life since my last anniversary, and since I don't feel like getting into it all here I guess you'll just have to read the damn blog if you don't already know about it. I did a great recap at New Year's for those of you who want the Cole's notes version.

Anyway, let's get down to the nitty gritty, the reason we're all here: the blog candy. That's right folks, leave a comment wishing me a Happy Anniversary and I could randomly draw your name to receive a fabulous prize (no, it's not my Mom's ashes.) Now, I know a few of you don't like to feel pressured into leaving comments (which is apparently why you didn't leave one last year) so for you I'll throw your name in the hat if you either send me an email or wish me a happy anniversary in person. As for the prize, I'll give you a hint: it's related to my newest hobby.

Good luck!

Memories

Family and friends gathered yesterday in Huntsville to honour a wonderful friend, partner, sister, mother and grandmother. It was a beautiful, bright and cold sunny day--perfect Ontario winter weather. The numbers were impressive--at least 100 people came to share their stories and express their gratitude at having known a woman who handled life and death with grace and courage.

I got the short straw and therefore had to speak first. This is the speech I gave on Saturday at my Mom's memorial:

"I was worried about the weather being bad today, but I should have known better--there’s no way Mom would have allowed that to happen on “her day.” I joke, but when I was a kid I was firmly convinced my Mom controlled the universe. She knew things--I could get away with nothing. Now of course I know that’s because whatever my imagination could come up with she’d already thought of herself because she was diabolical. But at the time it was like she was this all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful being.

Maybe it’s because of that perception of her that I didn’t really take her first breast cancer scare back in 1993 all that seriously--to me, she was bullet-proof. That, and the fact that I was so busy in my first year of university experiencing my first taste of life as an adult and the all freedoms and adventures that come with that and didn‘t have time to worry about something that there was no way she could actually die of. Did I mention I was a selfish, self-absorbed brat who took for granted that life would always turn out the way I thought it should? The universe reinforced that perception when she did in fact successfully beat her cancer and life returned to normal.

It would take a long time for the realization that I almost lost her to fully sink in. I really became an adult in that moment--when I realized my Mom was a mere mortal with faults and guilts; that the laws of physics did apply to her and that she wouldn’t be around for ever. The idea of living without her was crippling--I realized how special and important she was and that realization changed our relationship. We never talked about it, but I knew she recognized something had changed between us--what had changed was I now realized her full worth and value while at the same time I no longer put her on a pedestal, holding her and, by extension myself, to a standard neither one of us could ever have achieved.

When her cancer came back, we were all shocked. This wasn’t supposed to happen--she was cured. She’d patiently journeyed though that 10 year window and had made it to the other side where the chances of a reoccurrence were supposed to be smaller than chances of being killed in a car accident. Why was this happening? Surely she would beat this again. It didn’t take long for me to realize this time, things were different. Very early on I accepted that she was going to die. She tricked us there for a while--she spent an entire year looking healthier than anyone I’d ever known!

I am so thankful for those 72 weeks of successful treatment--she got to enjoy a relationship with my two nieces, Hayden and my Mom’s namesake Rylie Glorianna, who was conceived after she was diagnosed! She crammed so much life into those 72 weeks. And I soaked up her presence in my life up like a sponge. I got a voicemail from her on her 62nd birthday thanking me for my gift to her. She sounded so healthy, so vibrant, so like my Mom. I saved that message--I still have it. I listen to it every week when the time comes for me to save it again.

I’m very glad I chose to take 3 months off work to be with her on the final leg of her journey. We talked about things that we never would have talked about under a different set of circumstances. I can’t overstate how important that time was for me--it helped me to come to terms with her death and it ensured I had no regrets over things left unspoken. So few people have that opportunity to let someone know much they matter, how much they will be missed. The day before she died she told me she loved me and was proud of me, and I told her I loved her and I was proud of her. We never meant it more than we did right then.

Our mother lived life on her own terms and she died on her own terms. Make no mistake--the day she died was no accident: she didn’t want to die at Christmas, she didn’t die at Christmas; she didn’t want to die alone, she didn’t die alone; she didn’t want to die in pain, suffering the indignities that accompany long term illness, she died peacefully, with her dignity and her faculties intact.

I’ve been reading this web comic recently--it’s called “Something Positive.“ In it, one of the characters said something that really stuck with me. He said, “it’s not what happens to you that people will remember you for, it’s what you did with it.” Our Mom will be remembered not for having had cancer, but for how she lived with it--how she never lost her positivity, her courage or her strength. It may be what ended her life, but she beat cancer. She never defined herself by it. It took her body but not her spirit."

Thanks to everyone who came out and to those who were there in thought and spirit. It was the perfect day and the perfect send-off.