How to Embarrass Yourself in Public Without Really Trying

1: Agree to meet a co-worker for beer after work so you can both enjoy the fabulous patio weather after a long, tiring week and then have said co-worker stand you up so you end up sitting alone on the patio surrounded by people enviously eyeing your table and chairs for their own large groups of happy co-workers who didn't stand them up.

2: Spill an entire pint of beer--a beer you really needed and decided to order anyway even though your co-worker is more than 30 minutes late and is likely not showing up so you'll be sitting there alone with your spilled beer and shredded dignity while sympathetic strangers provide you with paper napkins from their dispenser because for some reason there aren't any at your table.

3: Make sure you say "Shit!" really loudly when you spill the beer because just spilling the beer didn't draw enough attention to your pathetic situation, you had to compound your embarrassment by making sure people two tables away now know you're alone and just spilled your beer.


On the bright side, the weather was fantastic and I didn't get charged for the beer I spilled so I still count last evening as a win. I ordered a burger and graciously allowed a few of the chairs to go to better, more crowded homes and generally enjoyed myself while people-watching the other patrons, sipping my beer and watching the sunset.

Just as I asked for my bill, a couple of women came out onto the patio in search of a table. None were free, so I flagged them down and told them they could pull up a chair if they wanted as I was leaving shortly. They accepted and there were introductions all around. We made small talk and it came out that they belong to a roller derby league and their team is recruiting. Roller derby you say? Hmmm. Intriguing.

Stay tuned!