Due to my current health issues (ie. absolutely no voice) my date for the Flanagan's Idol semi-final competition has been changed to February 21st. I'm very sorry for the change in schedule, but if I'm going to have even a remote chance of succeeding at this thing my vocal cords have to be able to produce something resembling music and in the immediate future that's just not happening.
It has been suggested that I should just sing something by Tom Waites or Janis Joplin or Kim Carnes or other, um, "throaty" singers, but I've made my choice and in this state I just can't do it justice.
At this point I wouldn't blame you for being so annoyed with me that you refuse to come out of spite, but if you're still interested in cheering me on come to Flanagan's on Saturday Februay 21st and hopefully I won't suck.
Monday, February 2, 2009
It's Like She Knows Me...
One of my favourite fellow bloggers posted her top 10 favourite things starting with the letter R and I just couldn't resist getting in on the action. Lucky for me, she couldn't have picked a more appropriate letter.
If you want to participate, leave a comment on this post and I will assign you a letter. You then write about 10 things you love that begin with your assigned letter and post them on your blog. When people comment on your posted list, you give them a letter and the chain continues on and on.
So here it goes, my Top Ten Things That Start With The Letter "F":
1. Fuck.
I'm not below starting with the obvious. The word "fuck" is my most favouritest word in the English language. It is infinitely descriptive but at the same time there's absolutely no ambiguity about it. It adds emphasis, passion and gravity to every sentence it touches. However, one has to be cautious about over-using this powerful word--they don't call it the "F bomb" for nothing.
2. Friends/Family.
For me they're inseparable. Friends are the family you choose and family are the friends you were born with. I am fortunate to have won the friends and family lottery of life and I'm eternally grateful and probably not even remotely grateful enough. My friends and family give my life meaning and purpose--without them I would be incomplete and that both scares me and comforts me. I know--I'm an enigma.
3. French Fries.
The potato is best not when it's mashed, baked or boiled but when it is Julienned and fried in a vat of boiling Canola oil. Twice.
4. My Flute.
I played the flute all through highschool and I was pretty good, too! I longed for a flute of my own but since they're either plated with or made entirely from silver they tend to be a bit expensive. One magical Christmas My Honey gave me my very own flute. I was so moved I cried, no sobbed. The look on his face was priceless--I think his first thought was, " Oh man have I blown it! She's so disappointed she's crying!"--but then he realized they were tears of joy. It is the best gift anyone has ever given me.
5. Fudge.
Strangely, not chocolate fudge as many of you might expect. Nope, I'm specifically thinking of the fudge Jackie made when my brother and I were kids and we were snowed in and she was stuck with two unruly and bored kids for an extra, unexpected day. What did she do? What any sensible surrogate mother would do--she gave us sugar!
6. Fall.
Fall would be my favourite season were it not for one thing--it leads to winter. For that I can never forgive. Ever.
7. Fingers.
Fingers are cool! They're all prehensile and stuff and they have a unique pattern all their own. They can grip really hard or touch as lightly as a feather. Really, where would we be without fingers--completely up the creek. And masturbation would be a LOT more difficult!
8. Figs.
I always liked dried figs which I first had as a child of about 12 when my favourite teacher brought them to class one day. In September 2005 My Honey and I had an opportunity to visit Tuscany and I experienced fresh figs for the first time. I smelled them before I saw them--we were walking around Sienna and we came upon a small garden and I could smell something very sweet. I came around a corner and saw a tree with these bright pinkish red exploded things all over it and it turns out they were over-ripe figs. Birds and insects were crawling all over the things and the smell of fig was overwhelming. Later I discovered there were fig trees at the villa where we were staying and I tried one whole--it was absolutely delicious! I was hooked--I ate probably 3 a day after that. I've had non-dried figs since then, but they weren't the same as the ones I had in Italy. One of many reasons I have to go back, I guess.
9. Ferrari.
Ferrari epitomizes the concept of "sports car." They're sexy, fast and expensive and when I win the lottery I am so gonna buy one.
10. Fountain pens.
The art of letter writing has been lost in this age of email, instant messaging, texting and Twitter. There's something special about the feel of a good-quality fountain pen in your hand and the way it magically glides over the paper leaving a ribbon of India ink behind it. Some people have collections well into the thousands. Needless to say, while I like fountain pens, I don't like them that much.
P.S. I just want to add this one last "F" word: floccinaucinihilipilification. How can you not love that word?
If you want to participate, leave a comment on this post and I will assign you a letter. You then write about 10 things you love that begin with your assigned letter and post them on your blog. When people comment on your posted list, you give them a letter and the chain continues on and on.
So here it goes, my Top Ten Things That Start With The Letter "F":
1. Fuck.
I'm not below starting with the obvious. The word "fuck" is my most favouritest word in the English language. It is infinitely descriptive but at the same time there's absolutely no ambiguity about it. It adds emphasis, passion and gravity to every sentence it touches. However, one has to be cautious about over-using this powerful word--they don't call it the "F bomb" for nothing.
2. Friends/Family.
For me they're inseparable. Friends are the family you choose and family are the friends you were born with. I am fortunate to have won the friends and family lottery of life and I'm eternally grateful and probably not even remotely grateful enough. My friends and family give my life meaning and purpose--without them I would be incomplete and that both scares me and comforts me. I know--I'm an enigma.
3. French Fries.
The potato is best not when it's mashed, baked or boiled but when it is Julienned and fried in a vat of boiling Canola oil. Twice.
4. My Flute.
I played the flute all through highschool and I was pretty good, too! I longed for a flute of my own but since they're either plated with or made entirely from silver they tend to be a bit expensive. One magical Christmas My Honey gave me my very own flute. I was so moved I cried, no sobbed. The look on his face was priceless--I think his first thought was, " Oh man have I blown it! She's so disappointed she's crying!"--but then he realized they were tears of joy. It is the best gift anyone has ever given me.
5. Fudge.
Strangely, not chocolate fudge as many of you might expect. Nope, I'm specifically thinking of the fudge Jackie made when my brother and I were kids and we were snowed in and she was stuck with two unruly and bored kids for an extra, unexpected day. What did she do? What any sensible surrogate mother would do--she gave us sugar!
6. Fall.
Fall would be my favourite season were it not for one thing--it leads to winter. For that I can never forgive. Ever.
7. Fingers.
Fingers are cool! They're all prehensile and stuff and they have a unique pattern all their own. They can grip really hard or touch as lightly as a feather. Really, where would we be without fingers--completely up the creek. And masturbation would be a LOT more difficult!
8. Figs.
I always liked dried figs which I first had as a child of about 12 when my favourite teacher brought them to class one day. In September 2005 My Honey and I had an opportunity to visit Tuscany and I experienced fresh figs for the first time. I smelled them before I saw them--we were walking around Sienna and we came upon a small garden and I could smell something very sweet. I came around a corner and saw a tree with these bright pinkish red exploded things all over it and it turns out they were over-ripe figs. Birds and insects were crawling all over the things and the smell of fig was overwhelming. Later I discovered there were fig trees at the villa where we were staying and I tried one whole--it was absolutely delicious! I was hooked--I ate probably 3 a day after that. I've had non-dried figs since then, but they weren't the same as the ones I had in Italy. One of many reasons I have to go back, I guess.
9. Ferrari.
Ferrari epitomizes the concept of "sports car." They're sexy, fast and expensive and when I win the lottery I am so gonna buy one.
10. Fountain pens.
The art of letter writing has been lost in this age of email, instant messaging, texting and Twitter. There's something special about the feel of a good-quality fountain pen in your hand and the way it magically glides over the paper leaving a ribbon of India ink behind it. Some people have collections well into the thousands. Needless to say, while I like fountain pens, I don't like them that much.
P.S. I just want to add this one last "F" word: floccinaucinihilipilification. How can you not love that word?
Apparently We Aren't Done
I'm at work but I've had to go off the phones 'cause my voice decided the day was over. I'm hoping I can woo it back with hot lemon tea and Halls so I can get back on but we'll just have to see...at least this is giving me an opportunity to call all the people back I was supposed to call last week but couldn't 'cause I was comatose on my couch.
I'm getting very depressed--I haven't been this sick for this long pretty much ever. Even chocolate didn't make me feel better. I'm definitely not out of the woods yet--my fever has decided to return and I'm getting these weird tingly feelings (kinda like when you get a "someone-walked-over-my-grave" shiver) in my butt and outer thighs. Very strange and probably completely unrelated to my current situation but off-putting nonetheless.
Is it wrong that I'm fantasizing about putting on a flannel nightgown and crawling into bed?
I'm getting very depressed--I haven't been this sick for this long pretty much ever. Even chocolate didn't make me feel better. I'm definitely not out of the woods yet--my fever has decided to return and I'm getting these weird tingly feelings (kinda like when you get a "someone-walked-over-my-grave" shiver) in my butt and outer thighs. Very strange and probably completely unrelated to my current situation but off-putting nonetheless.
Is it wrong that I'm fantasizing about putting on a flannel nightgown and crawling into bed?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
We're Done Here
I'm getting really tired of being sick. Really. I can count the number of days this month I've felt well without taking my fuzzy bunny slippers off. I lie, they're not bunnies. But that's beside the point--the point is I'm sick and it's got to stop. Now. Capice? Enough with the crud in my lungs for the love of Pete! My nose is raw from the 3 trees worth of tissues I've used since Sunday and they're the ones with the fucking lotion! I'd have no nose if I weren't so picky about my tissue! It would just be a stubby, tender lump of hamburger.
And while I'm at it, where's the love? I dangle the promise of a free gift and still only two people comment on my anniversary post? In the immortal words of Kiki, "C'maaaaaaahn!!!" (This is her usual tactic when trying to get me to stay out past midnight at the club--is it working? Yeah, it doesn't work on me either.)
And while I'm at it, where's the love? I dangle the promise of a free gift and still only two people comment on my anniversary post? In the immortal words of Kiki, "C'maaaaaaahn!!!" (This is her usual tactic when trying to get me to stay out past midnight at the club--is it working? Yeah, it doesn't work on me either.)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Happy Anniversary to Me! Now With More "Blog Candy!" (That means I'm going to give something away)
One year ago yesterday I made my very first blog post! I had planned to celebrate this festive occasion on the actually anniversary but due to illness I was prone on my sofa most of the day yesterday. I'm still sick today but apparently not too sick to blog so I guess I'm on the road to recovery. I did call in sick to work again though because every 5 minutes I feel the need to cough up portions of my lungs. I didn't think that would go over well with most of my colleagues or clients so I'm "taking it easy" at home with my cat, wallowing in self-pity and a sea of Kleenex.
I started this blog a year ago with the intention of improving my skills as a writer and sharing my (often unconventional) point of view on everyday life with friends and family. I had hoped I might by chance gain a loyal following of readers who appreciated my observations and were entertained by my insights. I was worried I would run out of things to say or that perhaps no one would be interested in hearing it. Because really, if I didn't care about having an audience I could have just started a diary.
Blogging is not only my way of putting down my thoughts and adventures, it's a way of getting attention and being noticed--but not in a bad way like when I dyed my hair orange. I'm glad I had lots to share over the past year and I'm honoured people are interested in and receptive to what I have to say. I'll take that as a positive omen for what the next year of blogging may hold and I promise to continue to give you entertaining coverage of all that is to come.
**UPDATE**
Thanks to Mindy, I've been goaded into giving something away to a lucky individual who leaves a comment on this post. Leave a comment and prove you love me I mean possibly win a prize!
I started this blog a year ago with the intention of improving my skills as a writer and sharing my (often unconventional) point of view on everyday life with friends and family. I had hoped I might by chance gain a loyal following of readers who appreciated my observations and were entertained by my insights. I was worried I would run out of things to say or that perhaps no one would be interested in hearing it. Because really, if I didn't care about having an audience I could have just started a diary.
Blogging is not only my way of putting down my thoughts and adventures, it's a way of getting attention and being noticed--but not in a bad way like when I dyed my hair orange. I'm glad I had lots to share over the past year and I'm honoured people are interested in and receptive to what I have to say. I'll take that as a positive omen for what the next year of blogging may hold and I promise to continue to give you entertaining coverage of all that is to come.
**UPDATE**
Thanks to Mindy, I've been goaded into giving something away to a lucky individual who leaves a comment on this post. Leave a comment and prove you love me I mean possibly win a prize!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
This is Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed Out Alone
I locked my keys in my car at the mall today. I got a bit confused--I meant to put my keys in my purse and leave my gloves on the passenger seat and instead I left the keys on the passenger seat and put my gloves in my purse. Whatever, don't judge me. Normally this wouldn't be a problem since I typically carry a spare car key in my purse, but I let My Honey use it the last time he was here visiting and ever since then it's been hanging out on my bookshelf.
So I went into the mall and asked the nice lady at the customer service desk if security knew how to jimmy open the door on a very basic, no power locks, no alarm system kinda car (I've always held this theory about people in law enforcement-type jobs having a "troubled" youth so I was hoping they'd have someone "experienced" if you know what I mean.) She called someone on her little two-way radio and along came Zach.
Zach was very young, very good looking and very eager to break into my car. So eager in fact, he had forgotten his jacket. This would turn out to be a bad idea. I had briefly considered taking the bus home and getting my building's super to let me into my apartment so I could get my spare key, but they were out when I had left and I was skeptical they'd be there now so I thought my best option was to let Zach have a go.
What followed was a good 15 or 20 minutes of my biting my tongue nearly to the point of drawing blood because of Zach repeatedly saying things like:
"I think it's too short."
"I can feel it!"
"I want it to go up, not out."
"If I could just get it in there..."
"It keeps moving on me."
At this point I made the observation that this was as difficult as finding the G-spot to which he laughed (thank God!) and possibly blushed, although it could have been the cold. He then admitted to me that he had always wanted to do this, "but legally, of course!" I asked him if his fantasy was going as well as he had hoped and he replied, "Not really" to which I responded, "I get that a lot." I thought he was gonna choke.
By this point Zach had determined he was using the wrong tool ( heh heh--"tool") so we went inside so he could find a longer one and also get his jacket before he caught hypothermia. Five minutes later he was back at it, determined not to fail. I admired his tenacity but frankly doubted his ability. He would prove me wrong--10 minutes later I was in my car and he was happily recounting the adventure to one of the other security guys.
But wait! The story doesn't end there. Remember my alternate plan to go home and get my super to let me into my apartment? I discovered when I got home that I had forgotten to lock my apartment door--turns out all I would have had to do is wait for one of my neighbours to let me into the building and I would have been home free.
But then I wouldn't have met Zach and robbed him of his car-breaking-in virginity, so I guess it was all for the best. Oh, and that spare key? It's now in my purse.
So I went into the mall and asked the nice lady at the customer service desk if security knew how to jimmy open the door on a very basic, no power locks, no alarm system kinda car (I've always held this theory about people in law enforcement-type jobs having a "troubled" youth so I was hoping they'd have someone "experienced" if you know what I mean.) She called someone on her little two-way radio and along came Zach.
Zach was very young, very good looking and very eager to break into my car. So eager in fact, he had forgotten his jacket. This would turn out to be a bad idea. I had briefly considered taking the bus home and getting my building's super to let me into my apartment so I could get my spare key, but they were out when I had left and I was skeptical they'd be there now so I thought my best option was to let Zach have a go.
What followed was a good 15 or 20 minutes of my biting my tongue nearly to the point of drawing blood because of Zach repeatedly saying things like:
"I think it's too short."
"I can feel it!"
"I want it to go up, not out."
"If I could just get it in there..."
"It keeps moving on me."
At this point I made the observation that this was as difficult as finding the G-spot to which he laughed (thank God!) and possibly blushed, although it could have been the cold. He then admitted to me that he had always wanted to do this, "but legally, of course!" I asked him if his fantasy was going as well as he had hoped and he replied, "Not really" to which I responded, "I get that a lot." I thought he was gonna choke.
By this point Zach had determined he was using the wrong tool ( heh heh--"tool") so we went inside so he could find a longer one and also get his jacket before he caught hypothermia. Five minutes later he was back at it, determined not to fail. I admired his tenacity but frankly doubted his ability. He would prove me wrong--10 minutes later I was in my car and he was happily recounting the adventure to one of the other security guys.
But wait! The story doesn't end there. Remember my alternate plan to go home and get my super to let me into my apartment? I discovered when I got home that I had forgotten to lock my apartment door--turns out all I would have had to do is wait for one of my neighbours to let me into the building and I would have been home free.
But then I wouldn't have met Zach and robbed him of his car-breaking-in virginity, so I guess it was all for the best. Oh, and that spare key? It's now in my purse.
Friday, January 23, 2009
There's a Song in my Heart
I've settled on the song I will sing in the "Flannagan's Idol" karaoke fiasco I mean competition: "Fever" made famous by the incomparable Peggy Lee. Since I can't really sing but I exude sexiness (work with me people) I figure this is a sure bet--the same repetitive 6 notes sung with a slight growl and a low cut shirt. I can't lose!
Credit for this selection goes to Mindy and my Mom--Mom suggested it way back when I first told her about being chosen and then Mindy suggested it last night when we went out to Flannagan's to check out the song lists. Lucky for me (and you, my adoring public) it's on the list!
It's perfect--everyone's heard it but I doubt anyone would think to sing it, so there won't be the risk of comparing my mangled version to someone else's masterful version. Well, except for the original. But other than that, no comparisons!
I tell ya, I got this thing in the bag!
Credit for this selection goes to Mindy and my Mom--Mom suggested it way back when I first told her about being chosen and then Mindy suggested it last night when we went out to Flannagan's to check out the song lists. Lucky for me (and you, my adoring public) it's on the list!
It's perfect--everyone's heard it but I doubt anyone would think to sing it, so there won't be the risk of comparing my mangled version to someone else's masterful version. Well, except for the original. But other than that, no comparisons!
I tell ya, I got this thing in the bag!
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