It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Sorry for the nearly week-long absence from posting. This past week has been beyond ridiculously busy at work due to the annual Hell generally referred to 'round these parts as Peak RRSP Season. This is the week where agents who sell our products forget everything they know about both what they're selling and how to correctly process said sale. This is also the week when eager (and by "eager" I mean "annoying") clients call in to ask why they haven't received their tax slips yet.

Don't get me wrong--I enjoy my job in customer service, but sometimes you have to wonder at the idiocy of people. Usually I have the patience of a saint, but this time of year it's hard to keep the "inside voice" inside so I've decided to dedicate this post to all the stupid people I've had the pleasure of helping this week.

Episode 1

What I wanted to say:

"You want an exception to process paperwork that was not only filled out incorrectly but was also the wrong form to begin with? If you can't tell the difference between a guaranteed interest contract and a guaranteed investment fund, you don't deserve to sell out product."

What I really said:

"I'll send this off to my exceptions team and see what I can do for you. Anything else I can help you with today? Thanks for calling."

Episode 2

What I wanted to say:

"Your client wrote a cheque to 'Manual Life' while you watched! What the Hell is 'Manual Life?' The name of the company is derived from 'Manufacturer's' and 'Life', not 'Manualfacturer's' and 'Life!' Do you know what you get if you Google 'manual life?' It's not pretty!"

What I really said:

"Yes, many people make this mistake (that's sadly true) but unfortunately the bank won't accept this cheque. I'm sorry but you'll have to go back to the client for a new one."

Episode 3

What I wanted to say:

"No, actually--I'm not going to wait while you finish your call on your other phone. Next time wait until you're done before you call our customer service centre."

What I really said:

"Certainly, I can wait. Take your time."

Episode 4

What I wanted to say:

"We mailed your fucking tax slip out today. Last time I checked February has 28 days this year which means we're within the deadline. Now quit your bitching and go back to spying on your neighbours."

What I really said:

"The last of the tax slips were mailed out today as per CRA regulations. You should get it by the end of next week.

Thanks for calling, and have a great day."